Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 80562 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80562 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Peter is clearly fuming. He pulls the photos toward his manilla folder and sticks them inside again. “So you doctored the photos,” Peter snaps. Congratulations on deceiving your wife-to-be.”
Caroline laughs at that. “He doctored your photos? That’s impressive. I didn’t know I was marrying an NHL player who moonlights as a hacker slash digital artist.”
Peter gets up suddenly, chair screeching on the wood. “You’re both making a huge mistake. And this isn’t the last you’ll hear from me. You can count on that.”
I grin. “We already were. I hoped you’d come to the wedding and watch your chance of inheriting this place go up in flames. Maybe you could give a speech about coping with disappointment at the reception. You’re probably an expert by now.”
Peter scoops up his things and storms out, dress shoes clicking as he goes.
“Sorry if that freaked you out for a minute,” I say, giving Caroline’s arm a squeeze. “Some of those pictures are years old.”
“It’s okay,” Caroline says. “I know what it’s like for you guys. You don’t have to apologize for dating people… as long as it wasn’t after Manhattan,” she adds. She frowns a little, then chews her lip. “Sorry. I mean, I guess I don’t have any right to tell you not to date. It’s not like we’re…”
“I haven’t,” I say quickly. “I don’t sleep with more than one person at a time. Ever. As far as I’m concerned, you’ve been that woman for… about three years now.”
Her eyes widen. “What? That long?”
I shrug. “It’s alright if it wasn’t the same for you.”
“It was,” she says. “It was only you.”
A warmth fills me at that. Damn. The information probably shouldn’t change much, but it feels good to know she wasn’t sharing herself all this time. She was all mine, even when I wasn’t here to claim her.
I drum my fingers on the table, hesitating. “Can I admit something?”
We both have to wait as an elderly couple shuffles downstairs and goes to the kitchen, helping themselves to a plate of breakfast and coffee. They take a seat on the other end of the lobby.
Caroline nods. “What is it?”
I look down at Walker, who is aggressively gnawing a numbers and colors book, eyes wide and feral. “I understand it, but I’ve been having trouble knowing I missed the first two months of his life–that I was there the day he was born, and all I felt was anger and hurt.”
Caroline’s face scrunches up instantly and her eyes well with tears.
“Fuck,” I say, taking her hand and squeezing it. “I’m not trying to lay the blame on you. I understood where you were coming from. I really did. The situation just sucks, and I can’t seem to get past it.”
“You’re here now,” she says, wiping at her eyes. “And if I could go back and do it differently, I would. I think about it all the time. I just… I know I can’t change how things happened, even if I wish I could. But I try to remind myself that two months will feel like less and less of his life the older he gets. Every month we have with him just makes that gap so much smaller. So much less important.”
“And yet I’m going to be on the road and away from him during the season every year.”
Understanding seems to dawn on Caroline. “It’s okay, though. You’re here when you can be. That’s all anybody could expect.”
“But it’s not good enough… What are the chances I’ll be here when he crawls for the first time? When he says his first word? When he walks? I’ve already missed too much, and I–” I trail off, shaking my head because I don’t even know what I’m getting at. I feel this gnawing wrongness with the whole situation, and I can’t figure out how to fix it.
“When Grams and Edgar get back, I can bring him to more of your games if that helps.”
“You’ve got so much going on here. I can’t ask that of you.”
“You don’t have to ask it. Look, Jake… I know this is hard. And I know there’s a chance it won’t ultimately work out with us. I’ve accepted that. But whether we stay together as a couple or not, you will always be Walker’s father. That makes us partners in a way neither of us can change.”
“I don’t want to change that,” I say softly.
“I know. And I don’t care what happens between us. I will do what I can to make you feel like you can be as much a part of Walker’s life as you want. So, like it or not, I will come to more of your games. You’ll just have to live with it.” She sits back, arms folded.
I stare, then chuckle and nod slowly. I can’t quite put it into words, but something in her little speech hit me deeply. I’ve always respected Caroline. It’s probably the first thing that attracted me to her–even before I stopped to notice her curves or all the other little things. I’ve respected the shit out of her. The way she handles her business and organizes so much for the town without missing a beat. She’s a natural leader who does it without projecting her stress onto other people.