Total pages in book: 32
Estimated words: 29210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 146(@200wpm)___ 117(@250wpm)___ 97(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 29210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 146(@200wpm)___ 117(@250wpm)___ 97(@300wpm)
And when he did glance up, I saw his gait falter, but then he pulled his shoulders back and gave me a smile. I could see it didn’t quite reach his eyes. I’d never seen Devon look afraid, but right now, that nervousness poured off him.
I held the door open and stepped aside, letting him walk in. After I shut it, closing us in, I gestured for him to follow me. We still hadn’t said anything, but that was good. I didn’t want to wake my parents, and I sure as hell didn’t know how to start the conversation.
My room was in the basement of my parents’ home, something I demanded when I was a teenager for my “privacy.” Right now, I was thankful I’d been adamant on wanting the space.
We still hadn’t said anything to each other, and as we took the stairs and descended into the basement, the temperature dropping noticeably, I felt my body heat start to rise with anxiety. I had no idea how tonight was going to go, but I was glad it was finally going to be out in the open.
Once we reached the bottom of the staircase, I led him to my room. Half the basement wasn’t finished, but my room was, thankfully. My father and I worked an entire summer erecting the walls, putting carpet down, and making the space just for me.
It was even still decorated as if I was a sixteen-year-old girl, with band posters from that timeframe hanging on the walls, beads for the closet door, and the bedspread a bright tie-dye pattern.
Once in the room, I heard the door shut and turned around to face Devon, seeing him standing by it, feeling that suffocation start to consume me again. But even after feeling that, I felt the sense of completion over the fact that I was finally going to be honest.
I was going to let him be here to help me make decisions. This was his baby just as much as it was mine. And so I sat on the edge of the bed, not sure how to start this, where to begin.
“I….” The words failed me at first, and I ran my hands over my thighs. I looked a wreck right now, with sweats and a T-shirt I found in my dresser, an outfit I had when I was a teenager. Surprisingly, they still fit, albeit a bit tight around the ass and hips.
On instinct, I found my hands moving toward my belly, realizing that soon enough that too would get bigger. But I stopped myself before I made it too obvious. That was not how I wanted him to find out, with me touching my stomach, the look of fear and of the unknown on my face.
“How have you been?” he finally asked and walked over to me, sitting on the edge of the bed but keeping enough space between us that I didn’t feel crowded. He could obviously see how nervous I was.
I nodded, my throat tight, the words to actually answer not wanting to come forth.
He exhaled, and I glanced at him. “I don’t like where we are right now, Leila.” His eyes seemed so dark in the shadowy room. “I want my best friend back.” He ran a hand through his hair, an act I know he did when he was frustrated. “You’re my life, Leila.” He wore this haunted expression on his face. “I love you, and this distance you’ve put between us is killing me.”
“Devon,” I whispered his name, surprised I’d been able to get even that out.
“I don’t want to lose the best thing that has ever happened to me.” God, his anxious eyes were killing me. “And that’s you.”
I wanted to reach out and embrace him. I wanted that desperately. But I was afraid.
“But I don’t just want my best friend back, Leila.” Confusion settled in me. What did he mean? There was a long pause before he continued, and I saw his throat work as he swallowed, his nervousness very clear now. “I want to be the man you turn to as more than just a friend.”
The world stopped.
“Do you understand me?”
I shook my head as if I were on autopilot. I knew what I wanted it to mean but didn’t want to say it in case I was so, so wrong.
“I’m in love with you, Leila. So in love with you I can’t even picture a life without you in it.”
My heart jumped to my throat at his confession. It was what I’d been wanting to hear for so long, and here he was confiding in me, telling me how he felt… that he was in love with me.
And as much as I wanted to tell him I was in love with him as well, the words were lodged in my throat. The silence that stretched between us was suffocating. He watched me so intently, and I felt like fear of the unknown had me frozen, unable to speak, unable to be honest too.