Total pages in book: 32
Estimated words: 29210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 146(@200wpm)___ 117(@250wpm)___ 97(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 29210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 146(@200wpm)___ 117(@250wpm)___ 97(@300wpm)
I thought back to why I even contemplated pregnancy being a possibility. Not counting that I had unprotected sex with Devon, the sore, heavy-feeling breasts and all-day nausea had told me maybe, just maybe, there was something more going on.
“I’d like to do an internal ultrasound. That can give us a better idea of how far along you are, since you’re not sure and you have a history of irregular periods.”
I nodded slowly and licked my lips again.
After she was finished typing, she stood and walked over to the door before looking over her shoulder and saying, “I’ll be back in just a moment.”
I gave her another nod, but I felt like that agreement didn’t really quite reach me, didn’t seem very genuine. I was so uncertain right now, everything confusing, that I felt like I wasn’t even myself, that I was living someone else’s life. She only left me alone for about five minutes before she came back in, wheeling behind her what I assumed was an ultrasound machine.
After I was situated where she wanted me, the lights turned out, the monitor on, I held my breath and let her do her thing. Long moments of silence passed as I stared at the ultrasound screen. I couldn’t even explain or describe what I was seeing. It was mainly shades ranging between black, gray, and white, shapes and lines that made absolutely no sense to me.
“Right there,” she finally said and pointed to the screen.
I squinted but couldn’t make out exactly what I was looking at.
“Your baby.”
My heart was racing double time. “It doesn’t look like a baby.”
She glanced at me and gave me a smile. “You’re very early. See here.” She pointed to a spot on the screen. “That’s the yolk sac.”
I heard a buzzing, wheezing sound, and then it was over. She helped to clean me up and turned the light on. I sat up and adjusted the paper covering my lower half.
“It’s hard to get an accurate due date at this early stage, but you’re measuring about five weeks along.” She reached over to the machine and grabbed a three-by-five piece of paper. She handed it over, and I realized it was a picture of the baby.
I just stared down at it, and she must’ve thought I was in shock, because she pointed at an image in the center. “That’s your baby,” she said again.
I didn’t know what to say, what to think as I looked down at that image, and reality was really setting in. It certainly didn’t look like a baby, but five weeks along? My life had just turned upside down.
After she left me alone to get dressed, I just sat there, mulling over my thoughts, wondering what I was going to do. I wouldn’t keep this from Devon. I’d never do that. He had every right to this baby as I did. But how did I broach the subject?
I already made things so horribly awkward by trying to avoid him at all costs. And aside from the one interaction we’d when he showed up at my house, I’d successfully kept distance between us.
And it hurt. It hurt a lot. It was like a piece of myself was missing not talking to Devon, not being around him. And I knew that hurt him just as much, knew it was just as painful for him.
But I needed to think, to profess. I loved him, gave him my virginity whether he knew it or not, and my entire life had taken a one-eighty in such a short amount of time.
But he gave me the space. He told me he’d be there whenever I was ready to talk, to fix things. But could this fix things?
Or would this make things even worse?
14
Leila
I was running. Again. I wasn’t proud of that during the last month, month and a half. I’d been hiding, pushing away, trying to avoid him, and ignoring the person who meant the most to me. But I was terrified about what all this meant, what it meant for our future.
And so I had to get away for a bit, to think about what I was going to do, how I was going to handle everything. And the only place I could think about going was to my parents’.
With my job security so uncertain right now—having only found a waitressing job for now—my stress was already high. Coupled with the drunken night of incredible sex I had with Devon made it even higher.
Then go ahead and add on an unexpected pregnancy and now a secret baby, because I was clearly out of my mind and afraid to tell him.
What if he questioned paternity? It was his right, obviously, but I’d been a virgin that night, and I didn’t know if he was aware or not. I hadn’t told him, and he’d clearly not said anything. Maybe that wasn’t something a guy could tell?