Total pages in book: 54
Estimated words: 51525 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 258(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 172(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 51525 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 258(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 172(@300wpm)
I peek up at my dad, who doesn’t look convinced, and then look down when tiny arms wrap around my legs. I rest my hand against the top of Ly’s head. “You okay, Mama?” she asks, tipping her head back to look at me.
“Yeah, baby.” I pick her up and look into her eyes that are a mirror of my own. “You’re just getting to be such a big girl. Sometimes it makes me sad to think about it.” That’s not a complete lie; I do get sad from time to time when I think about how much she’s grown up, when I’m forced to think about her becoming an adult and leaving me to start her own life one day.
“You said I’ll always be your baby.”
“You will always be my baby,” I agree, hugging her. “But you’re still getting big.”
“I want to get bigger,” she tells me, looking suddenly serious.
“Why’s that?”
“When I’m bigger, I can have cake whenever I want. Even for breakfast.”
Laughing, I bury my face in her hair and hug her tightly.
“Can Pen and I go down the hill again?” she asks, trying to break free from my hold.
I pull back to look at her once I’ve gained control of myself. “Sure.” I set her to her feet then I watch her drag her sled behind her to the top of the hill. As soon as she’s in place, tucked in front of Pen on the sled, they take off and I listen to their carefree laughter fill the air.
Smiling at the sound, the heavy weight of an arm comes to rest around my shoulders and my dad’s voice fills my ears. “You’re an amazing mom, Aubrey. Lyra is lucky to have you.”
“Dad.” I lean into him, wrapping my arms around his waist.
His lips rest against the top of my head as his quiet words wash over me. “I know it hasn’t been easy raising her these last few years on your own. But—”
“I haven’t been on my own,” I cut him off, looking up at him. “I have you guys and Denv….” My words tapper off, and I close my eyes when I realize something I never realized before.
Denver has been with me from the beginning. We haven’t lived together or been a couple, but he’s been there for Lyra and me anytime we’ve needed him. He stayed with Ly and me for weeks right after she was born. He watched her when I needed a shower, fed her and changed her so I could rest, cooked so I’d eat. And through all that, he acted like there was nowhere else he’d rather be. He’s stayed over each Christmas, helping me put together any toys that needed setting up, and slept on the couch so he could be there to see Ly first thing in the morning when she came down to open her gifts. He’s been to every holiday and every birthday, even mine, and has always made a big deal out of celebrating me when I haven’t wanted to.
“God,” I whisper, feeling my throat tighten as thousands of memories fill my mind. He’s always been here for us and for me. How did I never see that before? I drop my forehead to my dad’s shoulder, and his arm tightens around me. He doesn’t ask what I’m thinking, but then again, maybe he already knows. Feeling physically sick to my stomach, I breathe in though my nose and out through my mouth. I lied to Denver’s face to protect myself, and now I don’t know if I will be brave enough to fix what I broke.
Chapter 6
_______________
Aubrey
I STARE AT MY CELL PHONE and the message I just got back from Mike. I sigh before tossing it down on the coffee table next to my cup of herbal tea. It’s done. My date with him is canceled, and from his return message of I figured this was coming, I should feel relieved he’s not mad, but I don’t, because I should never have agreed to go out with him in the first place.
I lean back and close my eyes, willing the headache building at the back of my skull to go away, and then sit forward, rubbing my hands down my face. I’m tired, really tired, and I just hope I’ll be able to fall asleep tonight. With another long sigh, I stand up off the couch, pick up my half empty mug along with my phone, and take both with me to the kitchen. After dumping the contents of my cup into the sink and placing it in there, I head to my bedroom, shutting off lights along the way.
I turn on the overhead light in my room then walk to my bed, setting down my cell before flipping on the switch to my new metal lamp with a robin’s egg blue shade. I replaced everything in my bedroom a few months ago when I realize I wasn’t doing myself any favors by keeping things as they were. Every time I was in here after Gabe died, it felt like he’d come walking out of the bathroom at any moment, or come join me in bed while I was reading. Unlike the rest of the house that had changed after Ly was born, everything in here was connected to Gabe in some way, since we purchased everything after we got married then collected things over the years.