Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 90075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 450(@200wpm)___ 360(@250wpm)___ 300(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 450(@200wpm)___ 360(@250wpm)___ 300(@300wpm)
“It’s called attraction, Nick! That’s all.”
“No, it’s far, far worse. I want you, Ella. I want you every moment of every goddamn day. I ought to see you as the woman you truly are. So incredibly bright and smart and capable. You work tirelessly. You love freely. And when I hear you riding your vibrator at night, you tie me into fucking knots.”
His chest heaved as he shrugged. “Is that what you want to hear? You want to know all my twisted secrets? You ready? Ready for me to list all my perversions when it comes to you?” He chuckled blackly. “Okay then, I want to debase you until you’re nothing more than my plaything. I want to gag you instead of talk to you. I want you begging for my touch and pleading for my dick. I want you all to myself. I want you bruised and bleeding and bare at all times. I want you to exist only because I allow it. I want to fucking own you.”
He wiped his mouth with a trembling hand and a horrified wince. “What sort of sick prick wants that? What sort of bastard wants to be in charge of your every single heartbeat, moan, and quiver all because if I can control your life, then I can ensure you will never die and I...I’ll never have to lose you like I lost—”
Cutting himself off, he snarled, “You’re an intelligent woman, Ella. You can see for yourself that I don’t deserve you. Just like he doesn’t deserve you. I can’t stop you from dying, just like I can’t stop myself from getting sick. Those facts will never change, so it doesn’t fucking matter if all I want to do is throw you down and fuck you hard enough to make you scream. It doesn’t matter that I can scarcely breathe with how much I need you. I won’t touch you because I can’t, so stop putting goddamn temptation in my path and leave me the hell alone!”
My heart galloped as my body throbbed with his every confession. I trembled with the most uncontrollable need. Never had someone been so angry and fierce and honest with me. Never had a conversation made me ache right between my legs.
“Fuck me, Nicholas.”
“What?” His eyebrows shot into his messy hair. “Have you not listened to a damn thing I said?”
“All I heard is that you want me as much as I want you and some other bullshit about not taking me when I’m standing right here, needing exactly what you do.”
“I would never hurt you.”
“Even if I asked nicely?”
“Ella, please stop. Just—”
“No, you said your piece. Let me say mine.” Balling my hands, I held his churning stare. “I love my job. I love my independence. I love that I’m smart and have my own savings and have the ability to do anything I want. I’m strong enough to live on my own. I could move overseas. I could start my own business. I don’t need a man to complete me. I don’t need a husband to survive. I don’t need anyone and yet...”
I stepped toward him. “There’s a part of me that needs to have all that responsibility and power stripped away...just for a little while. I want someone else to be in charge sometimes. I want my mind to turn off and my instincts to rule me. I want my Master to tell me what to eat and drink and how to serve him. Not because I need him to exist but because I deserve to be cherished and controlled. I trust him to be strong enough to shoulder all my burdens for a while and release me from the weight of life so I can be free.”
“Ella...stop. Please—”
“Don’t you see, Nick?” I spread my hands. “I want you to rule me, and you want to own me. Not because we’re sick or twisted but because we both have high-powered jobs. We have the stress of millions of people relying on us to cure them, even if they don’t know we’re fighting to keep them alive. We’ve both lost people we love. We both know the cost of that love. You’re drawn to releasing that pressure through discipline and absolute domination. And me? I’m driven to find someone who can steal me from myself. I need to be consumed because only then—only once all my decisions are stripped from me—can I truly turn off my mind and find peace.”
Silence fell between us for a moment before Nick’s face scrunched up, and he spat, “You can dress up this sick desire with pretty words and try to convince me with lies, but you can’t pretend whatever this is between us is normal.”
“Who cares if it’s normal? It’s what we both need.”
“Are you not listening, Ella? What I need is wrong. I refuse to strip you of your power. Why on earth would I agree to steal who you are all because I want to fuck you until you bleed? Who even says that? Who gets hard at the very idea of hurting someone they lov—? No.” He shook his head like a maniac. “It’s just an obsession. That’s all. It will stop. I know it will. With time and distance, this disgusting need and these unwanted feelings will go away. They will fade now that I’ve had you. They have to.”