Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 60750 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 304(@200wpm)___ 243(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60750 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 304(@200wpm)___ 243(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
I also couldn’t go five minutes without seeing how many people were following all of my social media accounts now, a mixture of genuine fans and onlookers who wanted to come see what they probably imagined was going to be my trainwreck of a life. Having this much attention all at once is eating away at something in my soul, something that just wants to be free from other people’s judgment, other people’s expectations, too.
I don’t stop driving until I reach a hotel on the edge of town. Since Marina and I let go of our old lease, it’s the only place I really have as an option to stay. I tried to make the best of the situation by booking the biggest suite at the hotel, but I know it’s not going to amount to much except for a bigger tub in the shower and a slightly wider bed frame. Even so, once I’m checked into the hotel, it feels like home, a safe place for me to rest my head, a safe place for me to be as I try to pick up the pieces of my spectacularly broken life.
Once the afternoon creeps into the evening, I reach for my guitar, tired of checking my phone to see where Marina is when it comes to boarding her flight and getting through the airport. I know she’s on her way, but I also know she’s got a full calendar of other friends and social events, even if her big movie hasn’t started filming yet. And as the boredom starts to crawl up my spine, I start to pluck the strings of my guitar, a melody lightly making its way through my head.
♫ They’ll eat you up, princess ♫
♫ They’ll leave no traces behind ♫
♫ Because no one cares about you when you’ve made it ♫
♫ They’re all coming for you, darling ♫
♫ You better learn how to fight with your hands, box, box, box ♫
♫ Because you’re just another rabbit for another fox ♫
♫ Don’t let her get you caught ♫
♫ ‘Cause she’s a liar, and she hates that you’re going higher ♫
♫ Yeah, she hates that you’re going so much higher ♫
Chapter 19
Cameron
Rehearsing without Alyssa in the room is like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle that has nothing but blank pieces.
It’s useless. Pointless. Impossible.
I find myself playing the same melody, over and over, my fingers on auto-pilot as I try not to think about what she’s up to right now. But as my fingers play through the song we wrote together while listening in on a couple fighting in the street, her lyrics worming their way through my brain, I can’t help but think about her.
I hope she’s happy, wherever she is, whatever she’s doing.
And a part of me hopes that she’s spending most of her time by herself, too, wincing a little as I imagine her dancing with a stranger in a nightclub or worse, spending the night in his bed. Even though Alyssa was never going to be mine alone, I can’t stomach the idea of her moving beyond all of us, carrying on with her life without looking back even once.
Rhys is playing his guitar right beside me, even though it’s obvious he’d literally rather be anywhere else. He’s been walking around looking hurt ever since Alyssa left L.A., his usual playful demeanor replaced by nothing but doom and gloom. Even Van is so much surlier than his typical self, barely speaking a word to us as we go through the motions of playing our instruments in the studio.
I bring my attention back to the keys in front of me, as I once again attempt to push thoughts of Alyssa away from my mind. From the way she spoke during our last conversation, I feel like I already know whether or not she’s coming back to L.A., if she’ll be interested in being part of our band ever again. She also hadn’t responded to any of my desperate texts or phone calls, trying my hardest to get in contact with her before she boarded a flight out of the city.
Because she doesn’t have anything else to say.
Just as I start to play a more somber song, humming to myself as the notes lift off the keys, there’s a sudden crashing sound to my left. I then look over to see Rhys smashing one of his guitars against the floor, his frustration seeming to finally get the better of him.
“Fuck!” Rhys yells, as he brings his guitar against the ground again. “Fuck! Fuck it all!”
“Rhys, you need to calm down—” Van starts.
But Rhys just shakes his head, his chest heaving from the effort of smashing his instrument. “Fuck that, Van! Are we seriously just going to stand around and do nothing?”
“What do you expect us to do, Rhys?” Van snaps. “Alyssa already made her choice—”