Total pages in book: 184
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
“I don’t –”
“And it doesn’t fucking matter right now. Because he’s about to be schooled in how to treat you right. How to fucking watch you –”
“I’m not a wayward little girl, okay?”
He pushes his body into mine. “You’re my girl.”
A breath escapes me. “But –”
“And he needs to learn how to fucking treasure you.”
I know we’re speaking over each other, attacking each other’s words like we did our mouths. But I don’t want to fight with him. I don’t want to argue. I just want him, however I can get him.
I hike my thighs up his waist. “Please, stop. Just… You don’t need to do any of those things. You don’t —”
“I do though,” he insists, his eyes glinting, his breaths still hard. “Because that’s not the only thing he’s fucking up. That’s not the only thing he’s not delivering on.”
“What are you talking about?”
“What I’m talking about is his fucking promise. The promise he made about fixing things.”
“About… About fixing my broken h-heart?”
He moves his jaw back and forth for a few moments. “Yeah. About you moving on.”
“But I don’t think that –”
“You haven’t, have you?”
My breath hitches. “N-no.”
His nostrils flare and I think I see a hint of relief on his face. As if he’s glad that I’m still stuck on him. He’s glad I haven’t moved on.
“You still love me,” he rasps, licking his lips.
I caress his harsh jaw. “Yes.”
This time, his entire body moves and flares with a breath—a relieved breath; I know for sure—and rubs across mine, making me whimper. And that’s how I know that this is the right decision. That being with him, giving him my love, is the right decision.
I mean, look at the way he’s all wrapped around me right now. Look at the way the tension has left him. The way he’s almost giving me all his weight like whatever burden he’s been carrying on his shoulders has been lifted.
I know I’ve been saying it to my biji a lot. Telling her how everything that I’ve done so far is the right decision. But I never once felt it to be. It never gave me any happiness.
This, I feel in my bones though. This, I feel in my soul.
This is what I’m supposed to do: Love him.
This is where I’m supposed to be: with him.
With this complicated, hot and cold, fire and ice, heartless and protective man. Who sets both my heart and body on fire.
“It’s not a good thing, baby,” he says, coming to rest his forehead over mine. “Loving me is not a good thing.”
I crane my neck up and whisper against his lips, “I can’t stop.”
Another shudder goes through his body and his eyes flutter almost closed. Then, “I’m going to hurt you.”
My heart clenches and in response to it, I clench my entire body around him. My thighs squeeze his slim hips and my arms wind even tighter around his neck. “I believe you.”
He tenses for a second. “Yeah?”
“Yes. I believe everything you’ve said.” I lick my lips as I take him in. “I believe you’re dangerous. I believe you’ll hurt me. But I also believe you’ll try to protect me from that hurt. You’ll try to keep me safe. I also believe you care about me. I believe all the good things and all the bad things about you, Stellan. I know you don’t see that. I know you don’t see any good in you at all, but there is. There are good things in you, trust me. So many, many good things. So I believe it all. And I still want you.”
“We can’t have that, though,” he says, his eyes swimming with a thousand emotions.
“So what are we going to do?” I whisper.
He keeps our gazes locked. “I’m going to be the one to have to fix you. I’m going to be the one who has to help you move on from me. Who has to make you fall out of love with me.”
“Yes,” I agree even though I feel tightness in my chest.
“No one else can do the job right.”
“No.”
“Besides, it’s fitting, isn’t it?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Yeah,” he rumbles, pulling my head back even more, nosing the side of my throat. “Until you’re married, you’re under my protection. So I’m going to protect you from me.”
My heart squeezes again and again, in response, I tighten my body around him. “I am.”
But I’m not getting married.
I add silently.
Because if I tell him, I know, I know he’ll lose his shit. And while I’m aware of the consequences of what happens when I lie to him or hide things from him, I’m going to keep this little fact under wraps at least tonight. Or at least until I actually break things off with Shepard.
“In fact, I should’ve done that right from the start. I never should’ve trusted someone else when it comes to you. When it comes to someone as precious as you. So it’s all really my fault, isn’t it?” he goes on, his mouth skimming the slope of my shoulder.