Total pages in book: 184
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
Now I know, though.
And it twists my heart.
I never wanted him to feel that way.
God, there are so many things I never wanted but did anyway.
Shepard
So how do you make up for something like that?
My fingers type and send the text before I’ve had time to think about it. And when I watch the screen, waiting for his reply, I realize it’s the right thing to do.
Isadora
I’ll do it. I’ll dance for you.
Only for you.
Shepard
Only for me.
Isadora
Yes! I’ve made you watch, haven’t I? While I’ve danced like that for other men. So from now on I’ll just dance for you and no one else.
It makes perfect sense.
Besides, why would I want to dance for someone else anyway? Now that I’m with Shepard, I don’t need to put on a show for someone else. Or rather the only man I’ve ever deliberately put on a dancing show for.
So yeah, this is a perfect plan.
A perfect way to pay my dues.
Shepard
Do it.
Isadora
Dance?
Shepard
Yeah, for me.
Isadora
You mean like when you come back?
Shepard
No, I mean like right now.
Isadora
Right now?
Shepard
Do you remember the white dress you wore the night we met?
I straighten up in the bed then. I move away from the pillows as my fingers shake and fly on the keyboard.
Isadora
The white dress from my eighteenth birthday?
Shepard
Yeah, the one that was sheer and flimsy. So sheer that your parents locked you up in your room that night.
I told him about that dress when we were dancing. I told him how I got into trouble for wearing it and how I thought I should be able wear something of my own choosing because eighteen was a kinda big birthday; selecting your own wardrobe should be allowed.
I know I keep saying it, but once again, for the millionth time, I didn’t know Shepard remembered. We’ve never talked about that dress after that night.
Not until now.
Isadora
Yes.
Shepard
I want you to find that dress and put it on.
I read his words a few times before I can manage to unglue my fingers from the screen and type out my reply.
Isadora
You want me to wear that dress?
Shepard
And wings.
Isadora
My good luck wings?
If I told him about my dress, then I definitely told him about my wings. The ones that always make me feel that I can fly. The ones I don’t wear anymore.
I don’t wear that dress anymore either.
Not in public, no. Not for anyone’s eyes.
In secret, yes.
In the dead of night, I wear that dress and those wings.
And then I go into the back garden. I like to stand under a tree and pretend it’s the pink magnolia tree. I like to smoke too. Like he was doing that night. I like to pretend that I’m him. That I’m inside his head, taking up all his thoughts. I’m in his chest, curled around his heart. I’m on his tongue so all he tastes is me. I like to pretend that I’m in his body, possessing him like he possesses me.
Sometimes I like to play the character of a witch. A witch in that white dress and fake wings, that brews a love potion that I somehow trick him into drinking. So he falls in love with me.
So yeah, I do remember that dress and I do remember those wings.
But to wear them for Shepard right now feels… wrong.
It feels disloyal.
It feels like I’m giving away a part of myself I’d kept reserved for the man I love.
But he doesn’t want that part, does he? He doesn’t care about my white dress or my fake wings. He doesn’t dream about that pink magnolia tree, and he doesn’t care that I color my lungs black for him.
And even if he does, I don’t care.
I only care about Shepard.
About fixing things for him and facing the consequences.
Shepard
And when you’re ready for me, I want you to pick up my call.
Isadora
Your call?
Shepard
Yeah. Because tonight, you’ll dance and you’ll be on display. But only for me. Only where I can see you.
Isadora
Will I be able to see you?
I don’t know why I ask that. Maybe because it feels… strange that I’m going to see him after how we just… After all the things he said to me. I mean, he’s my best friend and…
Shepard
I’m not the one paying my dues, am I?
Isadora
No.
Shepard
So then you’ll see me when I decide you have.
You’ve got two minutes.
I breathe out a sigh of relief even though I shouldn’t. As I dress and follow his instructions, I keep telling myself that I’m not breaking any rules. I’m not breaking any promises. I’m not doing anything wrong.
In fact, I’m doing the right thing.
For the first time in months.
When I’m done, I put on the music—something slow but bass heavy—I prop the phone against my pillows like I’ve done countless times before. Not to dance for him or anyone for that matter. But to record myself doing scenes or reading lines. As soon as two minutes are done, he video calls me. I pick up on the first ring and my nervousness reaches new levels.