Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 73794 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73794 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
“Yeah. And sometimes it’s people you least expect to judge.” He pursed his lips before glancing back at the house. I had a feeling he meant John, but I didn’t want to press. “Feels like I’ll always be that fuckup.”
“It’s never too late for a fresh start and for proving people wrong.”
“Put it on a motivational poster.” He gave me a much-deserved pointed look.
“Sorry.” I offered a sheepish smile. He was right that my advice was cliché, but the words rumbled in my brain. Whose assumptions did I need to prove wrong? Caleb? Coach Willard? My friends? In Scotty’s case, negative expectations were holding him back, but I was proof that positive ones could be equally hard to overcome.
“Everyone is always going to see Scotty the Fuckup.” Scotty made a wide, sweeping gesture with his hands. “Doesn’t matter what I do.”
“I don’t believe that’s true.” I gentled my voice. “You’ve got friends here. And even if they might seem judgmental about your past, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t call you that.”
“Of course not. They’re nice.” Scotty said nice like it was a curse word. “And they’re why I want to change. But I did something today that I don’t wanna tell Caleb about, and you’d think I lifted a car, what with John yammering over precedent and secret keeping.”
“Ah.” Dangerous territory indeed, as there was a limit to what secrets I could keep on Scotty’s behalf.
“Chill. It wasn’t illegal or anything.” Scotty made a dismissive gesture. “But Caleb’s always going to see the worst in me and treat me like a little kid. And this is exactly what I meant. Get a rep for making impulsive mistakes and everyone assumes I went base-jumping or shoplifting, not that I talked to a recruiter.”
“A recruiter? Like army?” At least it wasn’t criminal, but given Caleb’s reluctance for Scotty to pursue the military post-graduation, I had to tread carefully here.
“Yeah. An army recruiter. I always thought enlisting would mean no more football, but it turns out I could play football at West Point or use an ROTC scholarship to supplement scholarships for playing elsewhere. And even though my grades from my old school suck, it’s not an automatic rejection, especially if I keep it together this year.”
“That’s good news on the grades,” I said carefully. “See? People do see the potential for you to change.”
“But Caleb won’t.” Scotty set his jaw as his eyes took on a stubborn cast. “You have any idea what a hard act to follow he is?”
“Maybe a little,” I said before I thought the better of the reply. It was the truth, however, because I wasn’t sure I personally was ever replacing the effect Caleb had on my life.
“He’s such a good person, and he expects everyone else to be too.”
“You are good too,” I protested, even though I had an idea what Scotty meant. Caleb had a strong, unwavering moral core, and he did have high expectations for others in his life. It made sense that he didn’t see staying on the down-low as an option for us.
“At finding trouble.” Scotty snorted. “I wanna be a better person, but that’s different from everything coming easy.”
My eyes went wide at that. “You really think Caleb’s had it that easy? Maybe you should ask him about high school.”
For all Caleb had talked to me about being bullied, I didn’t like to think about his younger self because a helpless sort of rage overwhelmed me when I did. But I pushed past those feelings to a more important point: Scotty didn’t know what Caleb had been through because they’d never talked. All he saw was the person Caleb was now, a well-respected firefighter, happy with a group of friends, and the laughing exterior Caleb insisted on presenting to most of the world.
I knew him differently. I knew his struggles and his desire to be taken more seriously by his colleagues. However, I knew because Caleb had told me. You’ll keep it under your hat. Coach Willard’s words rang in my ears. For the first time, my frustration at Caleb being unwilling to consider the option of not being out gave way to an understanding that the suggestion alone came from a place of privilege. I could pass as straight. I had for an entire military career, but at what cost?
“Talk to your brother.” I used my sergeant voice on Scotty. I couldn’t reveal the confidences Caleb had shared with me, and I couldn’t force Caleb to reveal his inner self to Scotty. But they could both benefit. “You might learn something.”
“Ha.” Scotty gave a harsh laugh.
“Seriously. You guys are more alike than you think. And he’s your brother who loves you. Don’t take that for granted.”
An electric jolt hit the back of my neck. I had been doing exactly that, taking Caleb’s easygoing nature and affection for granted.