Total pages in book: 60
Estimated words: 54651 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 273(@200wpm)___ 219(@250wpm)___ 182(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 54651 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 273(@200wpm)___ 219(@250wpm)___ 182(@300wpm)
Strong arms lifted her up. “No, no, Alana, no!” he said, his tone urgent. “I don’t want to kill you. Christ, I’d rather kill myself than take the light that is you out of the world.” His voice cracked.
With her head buried against his chest, she couldn’t see his face, but it sounded as if he were crying. Which was impossible. Mark was always in control—always.
She looked up at him, shocked to see a tear rolling down his cheek. Impulsively, she reached up and wiped it away, as he had done for her so many times before.
“I’m sorry, Alana. I’m not expressing myself well. You’re wonderful. You’ve done nothing wrong. You’ve learned to submit with real grace and obedience, and you’re everything a man could want in a woman.” He sighed. “But it’s not enough. Because of what I’ve done, because I’ve taken you by force, I can never really know if your submission is fueled solely by fear. I didn’t use to care. I told myself it didn’t matter—that I had to have you, no matter the terms. But I can’t keep pretending. It isn’t working anymore. I need more. I need a reciprocal love.”
Still confused and desperate to figure out the rules to this strange, dangerous new game, Alana again tried to assure him of her obedience, but he stopped her with a finger to her lips.
“Listen to me. I’ve come to a decision that has been a long time in coming. I’m not sure what finally got me to this point. I think maybe it was the way you responded to the branding. You couldn’t have feigned such a sincere response, even a great actress like you.”
He touched her cheek, his eyes so sad. “What I mean is, I think you have developed an understanding of the life, of this lifestyle of Master and slave, of Dominant and submissive. But you’ve only experienced it through force. Through bondage, conditioning and enslavement, without choice, without free will. It should be enough for me. I thought it was enough for me. But not anymore. I can’t do it.” His voice cracked again and he stopped speaking.
Alana sat frozen. She still didn’t understand what he was saying, though she tried to cling to his claim that he didn’t want to kill her. Then her blood turned to ice in her veins. He didn’t want to kill her, but what choice did he have? He couldn’t possibly set her free and risk her turning him in to the authorities. He would have no choice.
It was enough for me. But not anymore. I can’t do it.
He must be saying he was tired of her. And if that were the case, he would have to kill her, and possibly himself as well. She was as good as dead.
She began to cry softly, her face hidden in her hands.
“Alana, please don’t cry.” He pulled her again into his arm. “Why are you shaking?”
“I don’t want to die, Sir. Please, Mark. Give me another chance.”
He held her at arms length and stared into her eyes. “Stop that,” he ordered. “I am not going to kill you. I’m going to let you go.”
She was so startled by his words that she stopped crying, her mouth falling open. “What?”
“That’s right,” he said emphatically. “I know there’s the risk you’ll turn me in to the police, and who could blame you? But even if you do, they won’t find me. I won’t be here. I know how to disappear. And anyway, I don’t care about that. What I’m saying, my beloved darling, is I can claim your body, and I can keep you forever, but I can’t make you love me. I can’t make your heart feel something it won’t. And I don’t want you anymore, without that.”
Alana was dumbfounded. Did he mean it? Or was this another test, a sadistic trick?
Mark was watching her. Whatever he saw in her face seemed to cause him pain, but doggedly he went on. “Here’s my plan. I know I can’t just thrust you back into the world, as you are now. I’m going to help you decompress. I’m going to allow you time to ‘get back to normal’.” He put air quotes around the words with his fingers. “From this moment, you no longer belong to me. You will sleep in the guest bedroom. You will have your clothing. You will no longer submit to me or be subject to control or punishment. You will be here as my guest. You will eat with me at the table. You will take back your body. You will decide what you wear and how you spend your day, as long as it’s in this house.”
Was this real? Was it really happening? Alana knew she should be whooping with joy, but she only felt numb.