Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 85399 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 427(@200wpm)___ 342(@250wpm)___ 285(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85399 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 427(@200wpm)___ 342(@250wpm)___ 285(@300wpm)
My mind reels, searching desperately for something to hold on to.
“When was the last time I just did something nice for her? When was the last time I told her I was proud of her? When was the last time I made her feel like I love her?” I grit my teeth so hard that I hear them rub together. “What have I been doing?”
Every conversation we’ve had where, instead of listening, I was defending myself—sure as shit that I was right—plays through my memory. The justifications for being gone. The excuses for missing dinner and date nights. All the reasons I gave, with only half a thought about why I was on the periphery of her life.
I’ve been filling up buckets with holes in the bottom.
“I’ve been depositing money in our account and nothing into our life—my family’s life. Fuck,” I yell, sending a flock of birds into the air.
Everything looked fine because I wanted it to be fine. It was never okay.
Frantic, I grab my phone from my pocket and pray that I see a few bars of service. There they are—one, sometimes two, little promises of connection.
I don’t want to make this call, but I have no other choice. I need a sounding board, and I have only one person I can count on to make sure I don’t fuck this up.
It rings four times before she picks up.
“Hello?” Billie asks.
“Hey, Bills. It’s Jack.”
“Is everything okay?”
Groaning, I pace a small circle on the dock. “That’s a loaded question.”
“All right. Well, is everything okay with Lauren and the kids?”
“Yes. Thanks for caring about me too.”
“Shut up.”
I sigh, tugging at my hair. “This will come as no surprise to you, I’m sure, but I’ve just about fucked up my marriage.”
She hums.
“I’m panicking, Billie. I don’t want to lose her.”
Her chuckle is uneasy.
“It’s my fault,” I say. “I know I’ve been a shit partner and not the greatest dad either.” Or son, but let’s stay on track and deal with that one later. “I understand the problem. I don’t fully understand the answers, and I have, like, two weeks, I feel like, to convince my wife to give this another try.”
“See,” she says, “I’m on a precipice here. Do I listen and offer my assistance? Or do I hang up because this sounds a lot like consorting with the enemy?”
I groan.
“I don’t know whether to be happy that you’re coming to your senses or sad that you’re this out of touch,” she says.
“Be both. I am.”
She takes a long pause. “But why, Jack? Before I say anything to you, answer this—why? You and I might be friends, but I’m always on Lauren’s side. Remember that.”
Her loyalty to Lauren makes me smile. God, I’m glad Lo has her.
“I have been a shitty husband. I haven’t been there for her. I’ve focused on creating this life for her but then removed myself from it. I didn’t mean to. I swear, I didn’t. I don’t even know how it happened, but here we are, and now I have to fix it.” My shoulders fall, and I blow out a breath. “I love her so fucking much, Billie. I can’t lose her. I’ll do anything.”
A long pause fills the line. Each passing moment builds my trepidation. Each level of anxiousness that I arrive at only makes me more frustrated.
I switch the phone between my hands.
“I’m not walking away from this,” I say, my voice growing louder. “I’m fighting for her—for us—and I’m out of my depth here, Bills. All I want to do is fix things, be the husband Lauren needs, but I’m so fucking out of touch with reality that I’m not sure I even know what that is.”
“Then how do you know you want to do it?”
I look at the sky and smile sadly. “Because I’ll do anything.”
Billie sighs, but I can almost hear her smile. “I’ve never been happier to hear a man admit he was wrong.”
I watch the deer disappear back into the forest. I wonder if they can see the forest for the trees.
“You got a fucking puppy that you keep at the shop. So that really seems like it’s your home now, doesn’t it?”
My throat dries. “I need to prove to Lauren that she’s my whole life. That I’m present, that she’s my first priority. That she’s beautiful and sexy and intelligent—that . . .” I take a deep breath. “That I’m nothing without her.”
“Okay. Then here’s the plan . . .”
CHAPTER TWELVE
LAUREN
What’s for dinner?” Michael asks, coming into the kitchen. “I don’t smell anything.”
I glance at the clock. “I haven’t started anything yet. I got distracted.”
He sits beside me and slides a box across the table.
While Jack and the kids went to the lake, I stayed behind. I planned on cleaning off the back porch and getting the grill ready for the summer. Instead, I found myself with a glass of sweet tea and a romance novel. Not a bad way to spend an afternoon.