Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 102731 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 514(@200wpm)___ 411(@250wpm)___ 342(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102731 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 514(@200wpm)___ 411(@250wpm)___ 342(@300wpm)
Panic flared in his eyes, and he took a step toward me.
I stepped back.
“Fuck. Callie …” His tone was pleading. “I was only thinking out loud. It didn’t mean anything. I want to be with you. Of course I want to be with you.”
I couldn’t believe him now, though. He’d confessed his deep inner thoughts to Fyfe. Not me! Not only that, he’d made me feel like shit for weeks while he grew brooding and distant. And now I knew why. “Do you want Ardnoch? Or do you want a future elsewhere? Be honest. I deserve that, Lewis.”
His expression tight, he took a shuddering breath as he raked his hands through his hair. The soft strands fell back around his jawline as he released them to shrug helplessly. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know or you don’t want to admit how you feel?”
“I love you,” Lewis whispered hoarsely.
“That’s not what I asked.”
“Fine.” He shrugged again. “I … I admit that the thought of studying architecture at one of the best unis in the country appeals to me. Living in London appeals to me. I’ve spent my whole life here, Callie. I want to experience other places. I don’t want my life to be this narrow.”
I flinched like he’d hit me.
Lewis winced. “I didn’t mean it like … I didn’t mean you. I’d love for you to come with me.”
His words to Fyfe rang through my head. They’d been ringing in my head for two days. “I don’t want to leave Ardnoch. Everything and everyone I care about is here. The thought of leaving them, missing out on their lives, scares me. Because I know how easily people go away. A lesson I thought you’d learned too.”
“Callie—”
“‘I’m not sure in the way she’s sure that that’s our future. Together.’ That’s what you said to Fyfe.”
“I was just thinking out loud. It didn’t mean anything.”
“What about the weeks you spent pushing me away? I’ve felt rejected all this time. I’ve felt like I was losing you for months. Do you know how painful that has been? And I was, wasn’t I? Losing you. The last few weeks of you being more present were merely you trying harder because you felt bad about the truth. So it does mean something. It means a lot to me.” Tears blurred my vision and frustration thickened my throat because I wanted to be calm and adult through this. I didn’t want to fall apart. “You know, you’re right. I was a hundred percent certain of our future together. That I wanted you forever. Not once, not once, have I ever contemplated wanting anyone else. And I thought that’s how you felt about me.” My tears slipped free. “But it’s not. You’re not certain, are you?”
Renewed panic etched Lewis’s features as he moved toward me. This time he didn’t stop, even as I waved him off. He took me by the biceps, bending his head to mine. “It was just a thought, Callie. A stupid sliver of uncertainty. But it didn’t mean anything. I might not be certain that I want to go to Inverness, but I’m certain of you. Of course, I am. I don’t want to lose you.” His grip turned almost bruising. “Please.”
I shook my head, the tears falling fast and free. “I don’t believe you. You kept UCL from me. You kept everything you’ve really been feeling and thinking from me. Maybe if you’d just been fucking honest, Lewis!” I shoved out of his grasp, stumbling away. “Instead I overhear you telling someone else all the things you should have told me. Making a fool out of me! Pushing me away, flirting with other girls. How many other people know about this, Lewis? Only Fyfe? Or your family, our friends? Have you humiliated me?”
“No.” He shook his head, his expression distraught, eyes shimmering with tears. “Callie, I’m sorry. It was only Fyfe. But I won’t ever do that again. I promise.”
“It’s too late!” I cried, throwing my arms up as the last word came out on a sob. “I can’t keep you here when I know it’s not what you want. And the whole time you’re in London, I’ll be thinking about those words you said to Fyfe, about you and me, and I’ll constantly be worrying ‘Has he met someone else?’ ‘Has he found someone he is sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with?’ Or maybe you’re bored and want to fuck other girls, which is even worse!”
“No,” he repeated, stumbling toward me, eyes wide and frantic. “Callie, I didn’t mean it like that. That will never happen.”
“I don’t believe you!” I shrieked.
Lewis halted, staring at me in crushing disbelief. “Are … are you breaking up with me?”
I sobbed, pulling the sleeves of my shirt over my hands before wrapping my arms around my stomach as if to hold in this violent emotion that was shuddering to break free. “I … I’d always be unsure of you now.” I swiped at the tears as they kept falling. “And I won’t be the person who stands in the way of what you want.”