Total pages in book: 160
Estimated words: 149137 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 746(@200wpm)___ 597(@250wpm)___ 497(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 149137 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 746(@200wpm)___ 597(@250wpm)___ 497(@300wpm)
Her eyes came up, catching his and giving him the open honesty he’d been looking for all afternoon. “I don’t prefer it. I need it. I was a double agent for most of my adult life. Some of the things I saw…some of the things I did…I can’t take them back and I can’t pretend they don’t play out in my head every single night. When I left the Agency, I was wired, completely incapable of living in a world where I wasn’t on guard twenty-four seven. I could smile and joke and laugh, and then I would round a corner and have a knife at my friend’s throat because some sound reminded me of a time I nearly died. There were many of those and my hearing is quite acute. And that was when Damon Knight told me I could do one of three things. I could see a therapist, leave the company, or try D/s. I don’t like talking about the past and I had nowhere else to go, so I took the class and I hated it.”
Now she was giving him some truth. It was there in her eyes and the way her skin flushed, as though she hated admitting any of this. “Did you fool your trainers?”
She nodded slowly. “Again, I’d learned how to read people and I gave the proper responses. I don’t know if Damon believed me or if he was merely trying to keep the peace. I’d done the group a large favor and firing me would have been difficult. I decided this was our trade-off.”
“He would keep you around and you would pretend D/s helped?”
“Yes. It wasn’t that I minded the pain. I can handle pain. It’s the questions, the needling a good Dom can do that bugged me. So I found the ones who did it because they thought topping a woman was sexy. Hey, when they got too close to me, I could have some nice, athletic sex and numb out.”
Was sex her drug of choice? It wouldn’t bother him if it was. Everyone had a drug of choice, whether it was alcohol or cocaine or spending way too much time at the gym. Or taking control. That was his. He’d given up the rest. “When did things turn around?”
“I faked my way through every session until one night a Dom named Clive wouldn’t let me play him. He knew I was hiding. He knew Damon was watching and I couldn’t walk away. And somehow, he knew what I needed. By the time he was done, I’d cried for the first time in ten years. For the first time in almost as long, I let a man hold me and comfort me, and it was about something other than the job I was working. I got into the lifestyle because I’m fucked up beyond all recognition, but sometimes when I’m playing I remember how far I’ve come that I can trust another human being with my body. It gives me hope for my soul.”
She turned, but he could move quickly, too. He stepped fully into her space, reaching for her hand.
They stood there for a moment as he studied her face, saw the glimmer of tears behind her eyes. She wasn’t going to shed them, but they were there—a gift to him that he couldn’t help but honor.
“My place tonight. Seven p.m. Bring your things and we’ll take a look at the contract. When you show up, you will wear your hair down. I want you in a skirt or a dress, no underwear and no bra. Make sure your grooming routine is taken care of.”
“I lasered my kitty a long time ago, Joshua. The grooming routine is quite easy,” she said with a smile that kind of kicked him straight in the groin. And the way she said his name—like it was a secret between them. “Are you sure? You didn’t seem to want me a minute ago.”
“I wanted you. I just changed my mind about letting myself have you.” He stepped back. “Don’t be late. We have a contract to go over and I would enjoy a session with you if at the end of the night you still want the job.”
“I’ll want the job.”
“We’ll see after you’ve read the contract and you understand what I need from you.” He reached out and put a hand on her face, unable to keep himself from touching her. Yes, she was every bit as silky smooth as he’d thought. “I will want sex. Quite a bit of it.”
“Good because it’s been a long dry spell for me and I’m looking forward to breaking it.”
“It doesn’t bother you that sex will be contractual between us?” He was used to most women wanting a romantic façade around what was essentially a biological function.