Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 87367 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 437(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87367 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 437(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
Now it was really quiet, my siblings’ gazes downturned, Big Daddy’s mouth agape. But there was no holding anything back anymore. “I fell in love, Big Daddy.”
Hearing myself say it shocked the fuck out of me, but it was true. The moment I said it, it felt like the truest thing I’d ever said. I loved that no-good Mitchell.
“And you weren’t there,” I went on. “Your stupid, stubborn attitude toward him stole time and memories I can’t get back. And I shouldn’t even be yelling at you about it because I should have been the one to stand up and say screw it to it all, but I was a coward. I’m not hiding from the truth anymore. Excuse me.”
I threw my napkin onto the table and stormed into the house. No one tried to stop me, which was for the best, since I needed a moment to collect my thoughts.
I found my way back into the basement, like when I’d pulled out all those old pictures, but this time, I pulled out the corkboard Big Momma had encouraged me to make. It was tucked behind a bunch of old furniture, which meant it was one of the oldest things down here. I pulled it into the light, settled on a crate, and glanced it over: all the places I’d wanted to see, all the places she would talk to me about, that she wanted me to take pictures of on my travels.
I heard the door open at the top of the stairs and then footsteps. I’d been in this house long enough to recognize the sound of Dwain’s footsteps, the pace, the way they hit my ear. I fought back my tears before he came down and saw me.
His expression was hard to read, and I was curious what he would say.
“Can you just go? I’m still not talking to you.”
He found a nearby crate and plopped down on it.
“Dwain, I need some fucking space right now.”
“Well, I’m about the only member of this family who isn’t going to be butthurt over you not liking me, so I figured I’d take one for the team.” He winked, but I didn’t so much as crack the sort of smile I might have, had I been in less of a mood. “Any rate, your little stunt at the table really did a number on Big Daddy. But hell, you made Walker’s and my life easier. We went ahead and outed ourselves, so there’s that.”
As disoriented as I was from my own confession, I was relieved to hear that. “I’m glad, Dwain. You deserve that. We all deserve to be able to be who the hell we are and love who we love, even if we have all these dumb family rules around shit. But now you guys can all be happy. Cohen’s gone. It’s what you and everyone else wanted—you practically wanted to get out a rifle and chase him out of town as soon as he got here—and now you got your wish. Hating on him for no goddamn reason other than this stupid feud that don’t mean nothing. What is the point of all this fucking hate when you only have people in your life for a short time anyway?”
“If you coulda seen the way Big Daddy looked after you left, I don’t think you’d feel this way.”
“How’s that?”
“Sad. Whether you believe it or not, the last thing in the world he wants is to hurt us. And that shit you said about Big Momma, damn…I think that fucked with all our heads. I knew you were crushing on that Mitchell, but if I’d thought it was that serious, I wouldn’t have been so pissy about it. You might not know it, but I want you to be happy too, Brodes.”
“Since when?”
He grabbed the side of the corkboard, stroking his thumb across it. “Since I watched my big bro walk away from his dreams…and himself.”
“I thought I’d done the right thing, sacrificing it all for my family, and now I’m just so fucking mad at everyone. But mostly mad at myself.”
“Well, I fucking hate your guts, and I’m down here trying to cheer you up, so at least you know you can be mad at me and it don’t change a thing.”
I finally cracked a smile. “I don’t hate you, Dwain.”
“Hey, don’t start being nice to me now. All those wrestling matches we had when we were younger were the only thing that got people to stop teasing me before my growth spurt.”
I laughed as I reflected on the little scheme we’d devised when he was being bullied in school.
He set his hand on my shoulder, pulling me close.
“I didn’t know life was gonna be this tough,” I said. “Falling in love with people, only to lose ’em.”
“Yeah, it sucks balls. But it’ll suck a lot less when you finally stop trying to take it all on yourself and remember that’s what family’s for.”