Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 98561 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 493(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 329(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98561 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 493(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 329(@300wpm)
I felt something I’d never felt before, not even with the couple of boyfriends I’d had. I felt not alone.
When I was all cried out, he held me for another few moments, his hand slowly running up and down my back, calming me. Then I finally sniffed and untangled myself from him. I was a mess, red-eyed and wet-cheeked, but when I looked up at him, he was looking down at me like I was the best thing he’d ever seen. In that second, he looked helpless, and it wasn’t lust in his eyes. It was something more innocent. Something deeper.
I swallowed.
He slid his hand along my cheek, the tips of his fingers brushing through my hair. And then he leaned down to kiss me.
16
GABRIEL
She was right there, more beautiful than ever, black hair gleaming in the moonlight, soft lips upraised to meet mine. I could have her, right now: kiss her and press her back on the log. Slowly strip her out of the camouflage gear and fuck her right on the fallen tree, one of those long legs either side of the trunk.
But I froze. Just sat there staring down at her, because…
I didn’t want to just fuck her, not anymore. Hearing her story had changed something. All the feelings that had been building had crystallized, going from ghosts I could bat away and push through to an unshakeable, solid truth right at my core. I couldn’t give it a name but—
I wanted…more.
I wanted to be with her. Wanted to be the person she came home to each day.
Stupid, I raged at myself. Childish.
But real. Maybe more real than anything I’d ever felt, my whole life.
Only I couldn’t have that. In one more day, we’d reach the extraction point. We’d get the chopper back to Quito…and I’d duck through that hole in the fence and disappear forever.
I couldn’t just fuck her, as I’d been planning to. It wouldn’t get her out of my system, as I’d thought: it’d make me want her even more. Worse, I’d be taking advantage of her, just like that bastard Bryce. I couldn’t do that to her.
I leaned back. And then, before I could change my mind, I swung my leg over the fallen tree and stood up. I offered her my hand. “We should get some rest,” I muttered. “Got a long way to walk tomorrow.”
She stared up at me and I had to stand there and watch as it all played out on her face. First bewilderment. Then hurt that I was rejecting her. No, I wanted to say, my chest aching, no, it’s not like that, it’s for your own good. Finally, she looked ashamed. She thought she’d gotten it wrong, that I didn’t like her. Her face crumpled. Aw, no. No, no, no, I—
She stiffly got up, ignoring my hand, and walked past me back to the camp.
I stood there helpless. I couldn’t explain…not unless I told her my plan. And I told myself I couldn’t do that: what if she ratted on me to JD?
That’s what I told myself. But secretly, I knew she would never rat on me. The truth was, I couldn’t tell her about my plan because I couldn’t bear seeing her face fall when she realized I was still a lying, double-crossing schemer.
I watched as she lay down on her sleeping bag, facing away from me. I sighed, turned my back and lay down to try to get a few hours’ sleep. I did the right thing, I thought firmly. Better to hurt her now than break her heart later. At least this way, she wouldn’t feel used.
All I had to do was keep my distance from her, until we got back to Quito. That was going to be hell, now I’d accepted how I felt about her. Before, I’d just wanted her. Now, I needed her.
It was only for one more day and one more night, though. Then the chopper would pick us up, I’d make my escape and Olivia could find some guy, some normal guy, some good guy, and settle down and have kids and all that stuff.
I rolled over and stared at Olivia’s back.
This is the right decision.
It sure didn’t feel like it.
17
OLIVIA
The next day, I woke to the dawn light filtering down through the trees. I rubbed at my face and silently groaned. I hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep in nearly a week. Last night, I’d managed just a few fitful hours and now I was exhausted and emotionally drained.
I felt like an idiot. It had felt so good, opening up to Gabriel about what happened. And I’d been so sure about what I’d seen in his eyes, I’d been ready to ignore all my doubts about who he was. But then he’d pushed me away. I must have been wrong.