Total pages in book: 154
Estimated words: 142664 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 713(@200wpm)___ 571(@250wpm)___ 476(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 142664 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 713(@200wpm)___ 571(@250wpm)___ 476(@300wpm)
When it was just me, I used headphones to drown them out. I started talking to my Dad again at about age ten I think, but it was nothing like it was before. Each time I saw him doing things with Mitzie that he used to do with me, it was like a little piece of my heart broke.
I swallowed all the pain and hurt and never asked him for anything or pleaded with him to spend time with me. I had my brothers, and Mom was starting to get better and not look like the zombie she resembled that first year after he left.
When I finally went away to college, I realized that my Dad was the first man I loved and hated. I don’t know how I got it into my head, but I was obsessed with being cheated on and took the necessary steps to prepare myself for that eventuality.
I did training exercises alone in my dorm room at night. I literally would sit there and meditate on putting myself first and learning how to calm myself in the face of chaos. I’d just spent the last ten years tuning out everyone and everything every weekend while at Dad’s place, so I knew I could do it.
There were lots of whispers when I was younger, right after the divorce, about having me evaluated. I once overheard Helen say that I was just doing it for attention. I was always an IGC, intelligent, gifted child, so I started from an early age, reading anything I could get my hands on about relationships and adultery.
I would hide and sneak those books into my room and read them with the flashlight at night. Any magazine Mom had on her night table, I would sneak as well, and that was my therapy. I didn’t need some adult telling me what I should think or how I should behave. I was a real human being with feelings that no amount of yakking was going to change.
That’s enough of that memory fuck for now. Last night, after I escaped to my room, I opened old folders I had been collecting for a while and started getting to work. I opened a new social media account under the name Rhoda Penmark across all platforms but didn’t post anything meaningful just yet. Too soon. I needed to be at my calmest when I started to dismantle the lives around me.
All I knew for sure was that the only ones safe from me were my siblings and Mom. After that phone call, even Sherry might not be safe…. “Who the hell is that?” There was someone at my door.
ALYSSA
Ididn’t go see who was at the door right away because I didn’t care. Instead, I went and took a shower, took my time finding something to wear for the day, and then went to see what smelt so good coming out of my kitchen.
My three sisters-in-law were in the kitchen making breakfast, and my brothers had already left to go to their jobs. Not everyone can fuck off the day like me. My sisters-in-law are stay-at-home wives; there are no kids between any of them as yet, and I'm not sure why.
I sometimes think my brothers were just as traumatized by the divorce as I was, but they can have other reasons for not wanting to start families. Mom doesn’t have baby rabies, so that could be one of the reasons they don’t feel pressured into doing it. And knowing my brothers, if any of their mothers-in-law were the type, they wouldn’t put up with it or allow their wives to be bullied.
“What smells so good, and who made it?” Sometimes things can smell amazing and taste like shit. “You two didn’t let Jilly near the stove, did you?” That started the three of them laughing their asses off, including Jilly. It’s a running joke in our family that she could burn water because she has.
Jilly has ADHD or some form of it and gets distracted easily. In fact, she has a whole TikTok series with millions of viewers who keep up with her mind-numbing distractedness. My family had taught her, after years of putdowns from her own, how to turn that negative into a positive. Now, it’s a comedy act instead of a shortcoming. She loves it.
“No, Miss. Smartass. Penny and I made Daisy cook since she’s Susie Homemaker.” Daisy loves to bake and cook; she’s now the family’s designated chef for all celebrations, if she chooses to, of course. Brian would have an aneurysm if he thought she was being taken advantage of.
She’d turned her baking skills into a little side hustle that brings in good money when she’s so inclined. She gets to pick and choose her clients these days because Jilly had introduced her on her channel some time ago, and some low-level celebrity ordered her coconut mango cake and raved to anyone who would listen about it, and the next thing you know, she was getting orders from notable people.