Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 76812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 384(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 384(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
I shudder, my eyes still on the semi-open closet door.
"There's no safety in there," I mutter, the threat of tears burning the back of my nose as I force myself to put my back to the temptation.
It took three more months before my mother would believe that the man she married was a lie, that he didn't love us as he claimed. I squeeze my eyes shut, still able to hear the whispers of love Nathan would speak in my ear when he did unmentionable things to my young body.
Within two years, my mother had swallowed a bottle of pills, leaving me to face the monsters alone.
Incapable of fighting the pull any longer, I rush across the room and tug open the closet door, flipping on the light. It's bigger than I originally presumed it would be.
I pull the door closed, shutting myself inside. As much as I want to keep the light on, I know I need to be able to see the shadows under the door to anticipate when my safety ends.
I crouch into the corner, the man's clothes offering no protection the way a row of dresses offered by a woman's wardrobe would.
My stomach growls, but I ignore the issue. I've gone longer than a day without eating, and I know I can handle even more.
I want to curse every bad thought I had about the shelter. I'd give anything to be there right now, undiscovered by Nathan and Xan.
Tears leak from my eyes, and I know better than to fight them any longer. It'll be best if I can just get them all out so they won't cause problems along the way, but even as they fall, I fear Nathan will somehow find me cowered here.
Emotions are useless. I heard him say it many times, all the while in a rage for something that happened to him.
The man didn't consider anything but sorrow and fear as useless emotions. Anger was okay because it fueled one's need to seek vengeance. Rage provided power and a certain level of equity needed to stay on top. He caught it often. He'd feed it any chance he got.
I tell myself I'm crying for me and the life I deserved rather than the life I was given, but I know better.
Tears streak down my face, tickling my neck on their trek into disappearing into my shirt. They fall for Xan. Not for the man he became but for the boy I met many, many years ago. He was already broken, his punishments already in full swing, but he never once whispered about his own pain. He'd lie and tell me that he fell off his bike when I'd catch him wince, knowing full well that he hadn't been on a bike in days.
The first time Nathan lifted his hand to me, Xan stood bravely between me and his father. He was struck repeatedly for it, but he never told me he regretted it.
When he did it a second time, I saw it the moment Nathan decided to use his son against me.
My shoulders shake uncontrollably, and despite trying to stay quiet with my hands cupped over my mouth, I can't stop the sobs.
I don't want to think of my past. There's nothing about it I can control.
I do know that Xan was a monster created by his father. He didn't start out that way.
I'll never be able to forgive him for what he did to me for years, but I can at least pray he finds peace in whatever place real-life monsters are sent to when they die.
I have no clue what the future holds for me, but I do know I'll have no control over it.
My body feels heavy with grief as I lean my head against the wall of the closet.
There's a part of me that wants to channel that strong girl Nathan tried to awaken inside of me, but I know leaving this room and demanding anything won't be received well.
Even Beth can't look me in the eye.
Everything I touch ends up broken and damaged, and I know that Cerberus will be no different.
The men and women who helped today wore those leather cuts with pride, but all it did was add their names and anyone associated with them to Nathan's ever-growing list of people who have betrayed him.
Those people don't get to keep breathing. They disappear or end up in the news because of some tragic accident that no one can seem to explain. Being here puts everybody in danger, and Kincaid, the club president, will do his best to mitigate those issues by getting rid of my ass as quickly as he possibly can. If the man was smart, he'd put a bullet in my head and deliver my body to Nathan. But then the man would want to seek vengeance because, as promised, he's the only one that can put me in the ground.