Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 72655 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 363(@200wpm)___ 291(@250wpm)___ 242(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72655 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 363(@200wpm)___ 291(@250wpm)___ 242(@300wpm)
Bestie G: Don’t worry. I won’t fall in love with him.
Triple sigh. I’m not sure that’s true. I know I’ll be here whatever happens, and the I warned you, or I told you so thing will never be used by me, but it would be nice if there was one less man in the world I didn’t want to separate from their gonads for hurting one of the best women I know.
Me: We’re still just super casual about it. I’m not sure when our next date is going to be. We work together, and we want to keep it professional. Mont changed his mind about leaving, though. If things work out, maybe we could see some of the world together. My boss could grant me leave from work. (winking emoji)
Bestie G: Look at you! Dating the boss! Banging the boss! You’re always so proper. I highly approve of this new Evilla.
Me: Nooooo, we aren’t banging.
What was that last night, then? Don’t tongues and fingers count? Considering that was the best orgasm ever recorded in my orgasm history record books, I would say it counts.
Me: Kind of.
Bestie G: I’m not even going to ask what that means. You’ll eventually bang him. He’s hot. Go for it! Be wild! Have fun!
Me: Says the woman who didn’t want to go on a date with said man so badly that she gave herself hives.
Bestie G: I didn’t know he’d be nice. You can never trust a mom-organized blind date. (Knife emoji, fingers crossed emoji, kiss emoji, man and woman dancing emojis)
Bestie G: He was clearly meant to be with you anyway. And I’m taking credit. If you guys get married and have babies, I get to be named auntie and godmother.
Me: Do people still do godmothers?
Bestie G: Abso-tooting-lutely. (Air-gas-wind emoji)
Me: I don’t want to have kids until I’m eighty.
Bestie G: Liar. But no rush. I’d be happy with both those titles at forty, too.
Me: We’re getting ahead of ourselves. We haven’t even had an official date yet.
Bestie G: You’ve had a lot of unofficial ones.
I totally forgot about the dream I had last night. Now seems like a good time to ask. I don’t want to answer questions about official dates and babies. I hate the question about babies. Gen knows how much I hate that. She hates it, too. The big M word is a huge trigger for us, but the B word is just as bad. Marriage and babies. Ugh. Like that’s the only thing that matters in life. Mostly, it’s our mothers who use those words, and they use them endlessly, but it’s surprising how many strangers or well-meaning extended family members or even other friends will try and throw them into regular conversations and sort of infer that there’s something wrong with us if we’re not doing one of those two or we’re not even working toward them as end goals.
Me: I had a dream last night. I was at this incredible thrift store. It had to be the world’s best one, and I got so many awesome things. What do you think that means?
Bestie G: Prosperity! Hope for the future! Good things coming your way. A mindset of abundance.
Me: But when I woke up, it wasn’t real. Isn’t that symbolic?
Bestie G: Nah. Your brain is trying to manifest it. Or maybe your ovaries. (Laughing with tears emoji, flat line eyes and mouth emoji, fingers crossed emoji, world emoji)
Me: Ugh, that’s it. I’m signing off. Enjoy your hot date this afternoon. Text me and tell me how it goes. Or call me. If you’re free, we could do something tomorrow. Coffee? Thrifting cool stuff that doesn’t evaporate when I wake up? Riding giant pink cats around the park?
Bestie G: Where are these giant pink cats, and what park? I’m so there.
Me: I’ll do my best to find one. I was just making it up. (Upside-down smile emoji)
Bestie G: No, I couldn’t tell. (Laughing face emoji, smiling face emoji, thumbs up emoji)
Me: Have a good day. Call me if you need me. I’ll come for you anytime!
Bestie G: Thanks, sister from another mister. Let me know when your next (FIRST) date is. I’ll also come for you anytime if it bombs. And whenever else. (Heart emoji, smiley face emoji)
Me: (Heart emoji, heart emoji, heart emoji)
I haven’t had breakfast yet, and the amount of coffee I consumed earlier is starting to burn. It’s time to set the phone aside and work a Saturday morning pan scramble miracle in the kitchen.
Instead of putting my phone down, I bring it to the kitchen and turn one of my playlists on. But not the mellow stuff I like to listen to in the afternoon. Instead, I put on the rowdy, peppy dance music that always gets me going. Shaking my booty helps me shake it in the pan, too, and soon, I have a sausage, egg, tomato, and pepper scramble that smells divine. I’m a hot-sauce-on-eggs kind of a person, and after a liberal dousing, I hop up on the side of the counter and eat. I have a table right there in the small kitchen, but I’ve done this since I was a teenager.