Total pages in book: 176
Estimated words: 167940 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 840(@200wpm)___ 672(@250wpm)___ 560(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 167940 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 840(@200wpm)___ 672(@250wpm)___ 560(@300wpm)
“Your mouth said ‘stayed with’ but your eyes said ‘fucked’.” I rub my hand across my chin as though in contemplation. “Do you really think I’d want anyone else after what passed between us?”
“We had sex, Carson.”
“We had more than sex. What we had was a connection.”
“Yes, a connection. Tab A fits into slot B. That kind of connection.”
“Sure.” I push straight from the door frame and watch as her eyes widen as I reduce the space between us, though she might breathe a sigh of relief as I pause at the island. “If that’s what you want to tell yourself,” I say, leaning back against it.
“I’m not telling myself anything. That’s how it was.”
“So where in your tab equation does my sucking your pussy until you screamed exactly fit?”
“Do you have to be so crass?”
“Do you have to be such a coward?” She rears back as though I’d slapped her. Something I would cut off my hand before I’d ever do in earnest. “Your words, Fee, not mine. The strength of your feelings for me frightens you.”
“The strength of my attraction,” she amends. “Like Alice going down the rabbit hole, I’m worried where this will end.”
“You don’t ever need to worry. I’ve got you.”
“No, Carson. You don’t.”
Her voice holds a note of finality I’m sure she thinks she means. And yeah, these words are hurtful to hear. But if I allowed myself to think she’s telling the truth, then I don’t deserve her. She’s just lashing out, keeping me at arm’s length. She’s been looking after herself far too long, cutting herself off from the joys that life can offer. That I can offer.
She’s not a coward, but she is scared.
Maybe today was too soon to talk to her.
Maybe talk isn’t what she needs. Maybe it’s action.
“But I’m not supposed to mention any of this. Oops,” she adds deathly sweetly, drawing her thumb and forefinger across her lips as though to seal them.
We weren’t talking about Ardeo, but I can go with the flow.
“That’s fine. The punishment will hold. Floggings are usually meted out before the bar opens.” A little teasing on my part makes her bite like a Rottweiler.
“Then I’m afraid my punishment will have to be delivered in absentia because I’m not setting foot in that place again.” I begin to laugh, and she begins to fume. “I suppose you think this is funny?”
“It is a little. You have to admit.” Like I’d ever allow anyone to lay a hand on her skin.
“What are you, like, twelve?”
“On a scale of one to ten, I am. You know that.”
“I see now. So you’ve turned up to tease me. Go ahead, then. Get it over with.”
“To tease you?”
“Yes. I told you last night was a one-time-only thing. I won’t be goaded into it again.”
“I don’t remember you needing any kind of encouragement in the evening’s events. I do remember the orgasms, though. Was it six or seven? I lost count around the time that I—”
“For the love of all that is holy.” Her cry is an appeal to the ceiling. Or the heavens. “I’m not having this conversation with you. Ever! Just please get your shirts and leave.”
“You’re going to throw me out of my own home? You’re not going to offer me my room to save me from the Y? Or I could bunk with you. I don’t mind.”
I swear she growls under her breath, and I catch myself in a retort. She just makes it so fucking easy for me. But this is getting us nowhere. So I start again, my expression suitably penitent.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to annoy you, despite what you might think. I came to make sure you were okay. And truthfully, I just wanted to see you again.” I clamp my mouth closed to prevent every thought I have, every moment I envisage for the future, every plea from falling off my tongue.
Patience is key.
“I’m fine.” Fine with a capital F as I watch her thread her hair behind her ears, her colour heightened. “So now you can leave. I’m asking you nicely. Please go away. And I know that sounds really horrible because this is your home, but we’ll be out of it soon enough—next week, in fact.” She grasps one baggy sleeve of her sweater, yanking it up her arm roughly, only to blow out a breath as it immediately slides down again. “And everything will be the same as before.”
Oh, sweet girl, as if anything will ever be the same.
“Rose did say you’d found somewhere else to stay,” I begin. At least, you think you have. Sorry, darling, I’m about to ruin that for you because if you move somewhere else, how will I make you see that you need me? “Is it somewhere close by? Rose said your office and Lulu’s school is an easy commute from here. Where is Lulu, by the way?”