Total pages in book: 144
Estimated words: 134830 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 674(@200wpm)___ 539(@250wpm)___ 449(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 134830 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 674(@200wpm)___ 539(@250wpm)___ 449(@300wpm)
Shame is weighing me down. I didn’t mean to hurt Mom. I only wanted to hurt Dad the way he’s hurt me so many times before. So, I deal with it the only way I know how—by lashing out.
“Then why do you hate me so fucking much?” I snarl, ripping at my heart through my shirt. “If I was some sign that everything was okay, why have you always hated me?”
He huffs a humorless laugh, shaking his head. “I don’t hate you. I love you. Even when you do stupid shit and I have to save you from yourself, I’ve loved you. But this?” He points his finger toward the door where Mom ran out. “I will never forgive you for hurting the woman I love. She’s your mother, but she’s my wife!” He roars that out, and I can feel his protectiveness over her. Any other time, I’d be glad for it, except this time, I’m apparently the threat to my own mother.
He strides from the room, his footsteps heavy on the marble floor, and then, from upstairs, a door slams loudly. He went to my mother, to comfort her… because of me.
“What the actual fuck, Kyle?” Cameron demands. He’s pissed and sounds like he’s ready to throw hands, which is surprising, not because I don’t deserve it, but because while Cameron is a monster in business deals, he’s not one to be physically violent. Ever. Of course it’d be me who could push him that far.
When I look at him, I see the chair beside him is empty. Grace. I didn’t even think of her before I laid into Dad. I hope Cameron got her out of here before things got too bad.
“You know how he’s always been with me. It made sense,” I argue, running my hands through my hair and gripping the strands as I stare unseeingly at my plate.
“We all know he’s not perfect, but he’s our dad,” Cameron says. “That’s never been a question.”
“It was for me!” I shout, planting my hands on the table and leaning toward Cameron. If this table wasn’t between us, I’d be throwing punches because the anger is bubbling up so hot and fast that I can’t process what just happened. And I am the one Harrington prone to fights, so they all instinctively lean away from my angry outburst. “It made sense that if I wasn’t his, he couldn’t love me the same as he does you, because that hurts less than the alternative—his being my dad, but not loving me. I guess I’m just not worthy.”
“He loves you,” Carter scoffs.
I whirl on him. “Do you know how many times he’s asked me why I can’t be like you? Or you?” I glare at Cameron. “Or you?” I turn my gaze to Chance.
“Not me,” Cole interjects flatly.
He’s got me there. Cole and I dealt with our feelings about our family in different ways. He bailed, I fought. I fought everything, everyone, even myself. Hell, maybe myself most of all.
“I was invisible, unimportant, forgotten. I still am. The only way anyone pays attention to me is if I’m blowing shit up. Well, here you go, a nice family dinner and I’m fucking it all up again, ruining everything in one fell swoop.” I hold my arms out wide, letting them take aim at me.
They stay quiet, looking at me with hurt, betrayal, disappointment, and anger all mixed in their matching blue eyes that I don’t have. Because I’m the outsider, the outlier, the outcast.
I grab Dani’s hand, pulling her to her feet. She’s been silent beside me for this whole explosion. I’m sorry she’s seen it, but maybe now she’ll understand what I’ve been saying about my family.
Or she’ll see that you’re the problem the way they all do.
I can’t think about that right now, so I drag her toward the front door. I’m not surprised Kayla follows us. She’s Mom’s minion, first and foremost.
“Kyle…”
I can’t help it. Years of her second mothering me has trained me too well, so I stop, but I glare at her, silently letting her know I don’t need a lecture, a rebuke, or any damn thing else.
“Don’t do anything stupid. Well, anything else.” She arches a blonde brow, challenging me to disagree with her that tonight was a top-tier fuckup.
I grit my teeth, ugly words that Kayla doesn’t deserve on the tip of my tongue, but she’s already turned her attention to Dani. “Stay with him. You’re good for him,” she spits out quickly like she thinks I’m gonna yank Dani away from her. She’s honestly not wrong, and I might if she’s not careful with what she says.
Dani’s the one thing I have left. At least I hope she’s still with me.
Dani looks from Kayla to me. “Not sure I’m good for anyone.”