Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 125982 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 630(@200wpm)___ 504(@250wpm)___ 420(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 125982 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 630(@200wpm)___ 504(@250wpm)___ 420(@300wpm)
He seemed to sense it instantly and let out a long sigh. He kissed her tears and kissed her mouth and ran his hands up and down her back. She melted into him as she found sweet release soundlessly. Then she whispered his name into his ear as he exploded inside of her. Then he opened his eyes, which were her favourite shade of blue again, and whispered, “I love you, Kyla. Please forgive me.” He slid out of her as he went soft, finally spent, and they both slid instantly to sleep in one another’s arms.
~~~
When Kyla opened her eyes sometime later he was watching her.
“You are so beautiful when you sleep,” he whispered and caressed her cheek. But he was the beautiful one. As messed up as things were earlier it felt like they’d crossed some new threshold. He’d proven he wouldn’t hurt her, not really. He’d fought his inner rage and while it had been awful, in the end he had pushed it away; the sorrow that she’d felt from him changed things somehow, changed things again. She sensed his level of torment, pain, fear, and instead of cowering or fighting back and having a temper tantrum in the end she wanted to help him through it.
“It’s when I’m most agreeable, too,” she muttered and stretched. He flashed a dimpled smile and then pulled her close.
“Thank you,” he said.
“For what?” she asked, demurely.
“For understanding. For knowing what I needed,” he whispered and kissed the top of her head, “I was so screwed up. It’s the connection, feeling what you’re feeling while I deal with everything, it’s … it’s fucking with my head …” He sighed, “I’m sorry for scaring you. I am trying to focus on how I can best protect you but you said it yourself, who’ll protect you from me? I don’t want you to hate me. I wish I wasn’t who I am, I…you don’t know why I had to give that order. That situation…it…if you were me you’d have given it too, believe me---”
“I don’t wanna know. Don’t tell me, please. I just want to forget. And does it feel like I hate you?” she snuggled into him.
“No, but I feel what I’m doing to you and I hate myself for how I make you feel. I heard you loud and clear. You didn’t want me. You were disgusted with me. I wanted to tell you why I did it but it might’ve made things worse. Then you were so afraid of me. I felt guilty, then frustrated, and then I almost turned into a maniac and … I’m sorry. I’m trying, okay? Trying so fucking hard.”
She caressed his cheek and then kissed him softly on the forehead and eyelids, wanting him to feel the comfort she felt when he kissed her that way,
“Okay,” she said.
“The only time I don’t feel you is when you sleep,” he muttered, “It makes me crazy-protective when you’re scared. It kills me that I’m the one you’re the most scared of. I have so much to figure out right now.” He buried his face in her still damp hair and inhaled. She wrapped her arms around him and rubbed his strong back.
“I need to tell you why I gave that order,” he whispered, “He can’t seem to gain control of his impulses, his cravings.”
“Tristan, don’t. I don’t need to know.” She still felt the same about it but was trying to separate things so that she could cope. Tristan was playing a role, to keep them safe. She didn’t want to think about the guy who’d probably been killed by now because she couldn’t put him ahead of Tristan, ahead of herself.
He ignored her protest, “He killed someone today out of his thirst and this isn’t the first time. We’ve had to cover up his indiscretions in the past. I had to put a stop to it.”
“Okay.” Kyla whispered, hoarse.
“Kyla?”
“Uh huh?”
“It was a child. Not his first.”
Her breath caught and her hand flew up to cover her mouth.
“I can’t have you thinking so little of me. Thinking I’m someone who would kill someone without a damned good reason. I may not be a good guy but I’m not that bad of a bad guy.”
They were silent for a few minutes then she said, “I’m sorry for jumping the gun. I’ll try to give you the benefit of the doubt. That’s not something I’m used to but I’ll, I’ll try.”
He’d asked her to be patient, he’d told her that things would be rough but she had no idea it’d be like this.
He gave her a squeeze. They were silent for a while. Finally, she nuzzled into him and closed her eyes again and then felt herself falling back to sleep after a fleeting thought; maybe that’s why she was sleeping so much these days, so she could give him a reprieve from her angst. Was their connection so deep and becoming so woven and symbiotic that her body was giving him what he needed most? A break from her?