Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 90919 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 455(@200wpm)___ 364(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90919 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 455(@200wpm)___ 364(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
“Well, first I acted like an idiot,” I said, laying my head back down so I didn’t have to meet her sympathetic gaze. “And then Cian ripped me a new one.”
“I’ll kill him.” Frankie sat down on the floor next to Lou.
“I think I might’ve deserved it, actually,” I replied, my voice hitching.
“That’s bullshit,” Frankie announced. “And fuck him for saying it.”
I lifted my head to look at her, the most loyal person I knew.
“He said I freeze him out,” I murmured. “That I cut contact and then pull him back in and that he’s in love with me.”
Lou’s mouth dropped open in surprise.
“Start from the beginning,” Frankie ordered, leaning against the cabinets. “What exactly did he say?”
My voice barely above a whisper, I told them everything I could remember, pausing once in a while to wipe at the tears that ran down my face. By the time I was done, both of them were staring at me in shock.
“Is he right?” I asked, looking at each of them. “Am I that selfish?”
Frankie opened her mouth to instantly refute it, then snapped it shut again when Lou shot her a look.
“You’re not selfish,” Lou said slowly. “You’re just not, Myla. It’s not how you’re made. But—”
“But what?”
“I can see,” she hedged. “I can see where he’s coming from. You do retreat when something happens. You used to do it with us, but we stopped letting you.”
“What?”
“Remember when you used to hole up in your room?” Frankie asked. “You’d get pissed at one of us, and you’d just kind of disappear for a while.”
“But it always went back to normal, so we just kind of—” Lou glanced at Frankie. “Stopped acknowledging it. You’d go into your room, and we’d just come in and get you.”
“Oh,” I breathed.
“It’s a defense mechanism,” Frankie said, looking intently at her fingernails. “Instead of working shit out, you just put distance between you and whatever is happening.”
Even though I’d already come to the realization that I’d fucked up, having my friends confirm Cian’s words still felt like a blow.
“He’s in love with you?” Lou asked, a small smile pulling at her cheeks.
“Of course he is,” Frankie said easily. “Everyone already knew that.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“That’s because you’re stuck in Myla’s world,” Frankie said.
I winced.
“Too soon?” she asked with a small laugh.
“Good grief, Frank,” Lou muttered. “Not the time.”
“Seems like exactly the time to me,” Frankie said, pushing to her feet. “You don’t want to do the hot and cold, right? That’s what all this was about? Well? Sounds like he doesn’t either. He wants what you want.”
“I don’t think it’s that simple,” I replied, looking up at her. “He was really pissed, Frankie. I’ve never seen him like that.”
“First of all, yum,” Frankie said. “And second—why the hell are you still sitting here on the floor? Call him or go over there.”
“I can’t do that to him again,” I argued, using the counter to pull myself up. “He just yelled at me for doing it.”
“I agree with Frankie,” Lou said from her place on the floor. “Fix it. Don’t let it go on longer than it has to.”
“But what if it’s already over?” I asked desperately. The thought of going to Cian only to have him slam the door in my face made me break out in a cold sweat. “It really seemed like he was done.”
“If you don’t know already, you should find out for sure,” Frankie said, walking away.
“I believe in you,” Lou said seriously.
I didn’t check my face or bother with a coat as I hurried out to my car. My chest had felt hollow since Cian walked out of the house, and I was desperate to make the feeling go away. Even if he was angry, even if he yelled some more, I needed to see him. I needed to know if this was it. If I’d lost him for good. I needed to know if we could stop with all the pretenses, all the arguments and uncertainty.
Mostly, I just needed Cian.
I’d driven to his house so many times that I barely had to pay any attention to where I was going, which was a good thing because I was so anxious that I didn’t even remember the drive by the time I parked. I was moving on pure adrenaline and hope. The rain was coming down hard as I climbed out of the car and ran up to the front door. By the time I got there, I was soaked.
Noel answered the door when I knocked.
“Are you okay?” she blurted instantly, stepping back. “What’s wrong?”
“I need to talk to Cian,” I replied, looking past her. My brother was looking at me over the back of the couch, the TV playing quietly behind him.
I took two steps into the house.
“He’s not here, My,” Titus said, standing up. “He’s out at the property.”