Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 97284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 486(@200wpm)___ 389(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 486(@200wpm)___ 389(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
“I don’t believe in it. I’m not capable of it.”
“Not capable—or scared?”
I glared at him. “I beg your pardon?”
He crossed his legs, smoothing the fabric. “I knew I was gay from an early age, but I hid it. I tried to be what was considered normal. What I thought was expected of me. Then I met Larry. He was warm, kind, and perfect for me. I could be me with him, and it was enough. For the first time in my life, I was enough. We fell in love, but we stayed a secret. He was my roommate, my friend, my wingman. At least that was what I told my family and friends.” He cleared his throat.
“Finally, Larry had enough. He told me how much I was hurting him and he couldn’t do it anymore. We were living two lives. We were a couple with his family, and friends with mine. He told me he didn’t plan on hiding the rest of his life, and it was time to make a choice.”
I nodded, waiting for him to continue.
“The day I told my family I was gay was the scariest day of my life. I knew I could lose them, but the thought of losing Larry was even worse.”
“How did they take it?”
“They weren’t surprised. In fact, they were glad I had finally spoken up. They had suspected it all along, and frankly, they loved Larry. Especially my mom.” He smiled. “So, you see, Jaxson, I understand the fear of the unknown. The power those three little words can have.” He winked. “The only thing is that mine were ‘I am gay,’ and yours are ‘I love you.’”
“I’ve tried—”
He cut me off. “Gestures aren’t enough, Jaxson. Caring isn’t enough. In fact, the words ‘I care’ are probably the most hurtful ones you can utter. Trust me. I said it too many times.”
He leaned forward before I could speak. “Whatever is stopping you, forget it. Whatever it is in your past that makes you doubt love, stop listening to it. Think of her. Grace. What your life would be like without her. Ask yourself if it is really worth it.”
I stared at him, silent.
He stood. “As for being capable, you aren’t giving yourself enough credit. You are far more capable than you know.”
He paused at the door. “Good talk, boss man. Try not to fuck it up.”
And he walked out.
But his words echoed in my head all morning.
Grace
By eleven, my head ached. Ronan had dropped me off early, and the morning had been a busy one. Catching up on emails, voice mails, and case files. Meeting with Jaxson and Michael about ongoing cases and his calendar. Trying desperately to act in my usual calm manner and not to react to Jaxson’s unwavering gaze every time I lifted my eyes. I felt him watch me. I knew he tracked me everywhere in his office, his door wide open, his line of vision clear. He was unfailingly polite, professional, and courteous, but his gaze was an icy-blue storm that burned me from the inside out. My tension mounted, and I knew I had been fooling myself, thinking we would be able to work together with this unresolved between us.
I relaxed a little when Jaxson disappeared around ten. He hadn’t returned when I followed Michael to the large boardroom for an unexpected meeting called by the partners at eleven. I stood in the corner, pressing myself close to the window as the room filled. It wasn’t a large law office, but the room was crammed with associates, interns, other articling students, and staff. The partners walked in, Jaxson trailing behind them. I noticed the partners look in my direction, and I frowned, wondering what was going on.
The senior partner stepped forward, holding up his hand for silence. He smiled at the group, welcoming everyone back from the holidays and expressing his wishes for the new year. Then he dropped his bombshell.
“I wanted to gather everyone together to announce a new partner with the firm. It is no secret how much we hoped this would happen, and I am pleased to confirm it today. It happened last month, but we have decided to announce it now. Please join me in congratulating Jaxson Richards as partner.”
I tried not to gape. Jaxson accepted a partnership? He told me he never wanted to be a partner. He didn’t want the responsibility. The bond.
Why would he do this? What changed his mind?
I met his gaze across the room. It was entirely focused on me. There was something in his expression. It was open. Pleading.
It hit me.
He had done this for me. Why, I didn’t know, but I was convinced that was the reason.
I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or yell.
There was a flurry as people crowded around to shake his hand. I turned to Michael, who was watching me. “You know?” I asked quietly.