Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 117574 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 588(@200wpm)___ 470(@250wpm)___ 392(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117574 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 588(@200wpm)___ 470(@250wpm)___ 392(@300wpm)
“Mine, too. If I weren’t already preggo, I’d be getting knocked up tonight.”
I snort. “Girl, I’m on the pill, and I might still get knocked up tonight.”
We cover our mouths to stifle our giggles, but it’s too late. Our laughter has attracted Ryan’s blue gaze.
When he sees us peeking through the doorframe, Ryan tells us to come in and watch the rest of the show, so we amble into the room and sit behind the kids on the floor. After several minutes of haphazard puppetry, however, the thin plot, such as it is, winds to a close. With a secret little wink to me, Auggie booms, “And they lived happily ever after!” And all four of us on the floor giggle and clap; except, of course, as I’m laughing and clapping, I’m also exchanging knowing, secret glances with Auggie about his coded reference to our own, illicit puppet shows.
Ryan and Auggie make their sock-covered hands take a bow, and Tessa and I get up from the floor. But when the men begin removing the socks from their hands, both kids protest and beg for another show.
“Nope,” Ryan says. “No more delays. We’ve got an early morning, remember?”
Claire bats her eyelashes. “Daddy read me a story?” The kid knows full well Ryan won’t refuse her. It’s now a well-documented fact: Claire Morgan’s got her smitten daddy wrapped firmly around her little finger.
“Just one,” Ryan says, prompting Tessa to chuckle at how easily he retracted his supposedly firm, “no more delays” proclamation.
Well, now Zach wants a book read to him, too. But it’s Auggie he wants reading to him, not his mother or me. And so, while Tessa and Ryan head off next-door with Claire Bear, I sit next to Auggie on Zacky’s little bed and watch him read the kid a story about the best way to lure a gorilla out of a bathtub.
As Auggie reads, I lean against his back and enjoy the slight rumble of his body as he speaks. The soothing tones of his voice. The kindness that wafts off him. But soon, it’s too much for my poor ovaries to take, so I sit up straight to save myself, just in time for the “big reveal” of the book: the punchline to all prior suggestions about how to get that dang gorilla out of the tub.
When Auggie reads the punchline, Zach and I laugh with him.
“That’s a good book,” Auggie says, closing it.
“It’s my favorite,” Zach says.
“You’ve got good taste.” Auggie pats Zach’s little chest and pulls up his covers. “Goodnight, buddy. Sleep tight. Thanks for showing me your cars.”
When Auggie gets up from the bed, I scooch closer and kiss Zach’s cheek. “Goodnight, cutie pie. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“Door opened or closed?” Auggie asks, standing in the doorframe.
“Open, with da hall light on and also will you turn on my nightlight, so I won’t get a nightmare?”
As Auggie gets everything in place according to Zach’s specifications, I say, “I’m sorry you’ve had a nightmare. That’s no fun.”
“I get lots of dem,” Zach says. “Mommy, too.”
“Your mommy gets nightmares?” I ask, surprised by the revelation. It’s the first I’m hearing of it.
Zach nods solemnly. “Lots and lots, I’ve heard Mommy screaming really, really loud in her bedroom. One time, I went to see if she was okay, but da door was locked. So I knocked really hard and I yelled, ‘Are you okay in dere, Mommy?’ And den Daddy opened da door and he was really sweaty and he said, “Go back to bed.’ And I said, ‘Is Mommy okay? Did she have a nightmare, like me?’ And Daddy said, ‘Yes, she was just having a nightmare, buddy, but she’s okay now. Go back to bed.’ But den I heard her screaming again another time, so I came back and knocked again, and dat time, Daddy opened da door and—”
Auggie and I can’t take it anymore. We explode with laughter, interrupting Zach’s rambling, clueless, adorable story. Unfortunately, Auggie and I made the mistake of locking eyes, and that’s when we both couldn’t hold back our laughter. If Ryan makes Tessa scream half as loudly as Auggie makes me scream in the throes of passion, it’s no wonder poor little Zacky was worried sick about his beloved mommy. I’m positive I want to be a mommy one day, but one thing I’m not looking forward to when that happens is being in the middle of amazing sex and having to stop and open the door to my worried kindergartner.
“Why are you laughing?” Zach asks, scrunching his cute little nose.
“Because you’re very cute and brave, and I’m so, so proud of you for wanting to take care of your mommy,” I reply, forcing myself to pull it together.
“But why were you laughing?” Zach says. The kid’s not stupid. I didn’t provide an answer that makes a lick of sense.