Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Now it seems that after the release of the album, which was all songs that were written about the breakup and the hell it had put me through, those same people were now questioning what had really gone on. “That’s nice.”
“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”
“Uh-hmm, you know how I feel about that stuff. I don’t want to get sucked back into the drama. You know how it is in this town, one day, they love you, and the next, you’re persona non grata. I’m over it.”
“Fine! So, what have you been up to? Sorry, I’ve been so busy lately; how have you been?”
“You’ve asked me that every night since we last saw each other. I’m doing great; more importantly, how are you doing? How’s the album coming along?”
“It’s too easy.” She laughed, and the tension I didn’t even know was there was gone.
I was tempted to bring up what I was working on but decided that it would keep for a bit. I still didn’t know where I was going with this, but I knew that I wasn’t ready to share, not even with my best friend.
No one knew that I’d been carrying this burden all my life until I had the breakdown in the days following Ryder’s wedding, and even then, I tried to play it off the best way I could. But now, I was willing to expose myself without holding anything back.
I wasn’t planning to involve anyone else, so there was no danger there, but this was something I needed to do myself. So far, it has been very cathartic putting these thoughts down on paper. The more I write, the more memories came back to the forefront, and now that my head is somewhat clear, I find it much easier to dissect each incident by taking it apart bit by bit.
I now know that I’m not perfect, I do have my flaws, but the one thing I’ve learned that has shed some light on my malady is the fact that I’m a huge people pleaser. I’d go so far as to let myself down if it would help someone else, especially someone who’s dear to me.
I’d held my peace for this long because I didn’t want Ryder to be hurt. Even now, as I write my thoughts and relive some of the worst of what he’s done to me, the thought of everyone turning against him fills me with dread.
I don’t want that; I’ve never wanted that, I realize. Even at my most hurt, it never entered my mind to wish for him to go through what I have. All I ever wanted to know was why he’d done that to me, to us. But now, it doesn’t seem as important anymore.
Too much time has gone by, and too much water under the bridge. He made his choice no matter the reason, and I wasn’t it. It was high time I accepted that, not that I had been given much of a choice. But I should maybe stop living with hope, which I realize is what I’ve been doing all this time.
We’d had so many ups and downs in our relationship, but we always came back to each other because what we had was real. But obviously, something had happened to us that there was no coming back from. He just realized and accepted it before I did. Now it was time for me to do the same.
Chapter 12
*Janie*
“Is that what Mary said to do? A smear campaign?”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“But how? That idiot is so squeaky clean that there’s nothing to say that would put her in a bad light. Believe me; I’ve looked.”
“So find something or make it up.”
“Making it up is easy, but what if Ryder sees it?”
“How will he? Aren’t you still controlling his social media accounts?”
“Yes, I am. Look, maybe up until a week ago, I would’ve agreed with you, but I don’t know. Lately, he’s been acting kinda strange, and it all started when she released that first single. Now I don’t know anymore. Everything seems to be getting away from me.”
“Stop whining. I’m getting sick of your attitude. This is what you said you wanted. We did a lot to get here. Now, think of something. I refuse to believe that I raised a daughter who can’t figure out how to get her own husband in her bed. It’s been three and a half years. The guy was a fucking dog before you got married now he’s a saint?”
“How do you know about that? That we haven’t slept together since we got married, I mean.” How embarrassing to have that thrown in my face and by my own father, no less.
“How do you think? You didn’t expect me to leave it all up to you, did you? Did you forget what’s at stake here? He’s worth almost half a billion dollars. I won’t let you mess this up for me, as you’ve done everything else. The only thing you’ve got going for you is your sick obsession with him, now make it worth something.”