Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Hearing them from someone else seemed somehow different, or maybe it was the soothing tones she used that snapped me out of it. “I’ll do it.” She didn’t even look surprised; more like she was proud, I would say.
“That’s my girl.”
“You’re sneaky!”
“I promised that I’d be there every step of the way. You didn’t think I just meant until the release, did you?”
“No, come on. You’ve put off your own stuff for way too long.”
“Nope, you were always there for me. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t do the same for you when you needed me?”
I hugged her and felt it for the first time. It’s not the first human contact I’ve had since this all started, but it was the first time I felt it, really felt it, and it brought tears to my eyes. “I love you, Sydney, I really do. Thank you for always being here. I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through this without you by my side.”
“You’ll never have to know because I’ll always be here.” We sat there with my head on her shoulder, enjoying the silence as I took on the weight of what I’d just committed to. Knowing Sydney, she’d never let me go back on my word, so I was pretty much locked in.
“Great, now what am I going to wear?” We both laughed at that, knowing the chaos that was about to ensue. Hopefully, it’ll keep me too busy to stress about the decision that I’d just made.
***
Okay, breathe, Elena, just breathe. How can I when it feels like there’s a bolder on my chest and ice in my veins? Why did I let myself be talked into this again? Why did I fool myself into thinking that I was ready, that I would be okay? Just as I thought, the weeks following my acceptance had been hectic enough to keep my mind off what was coming.
The hours spent choreographing and rehearsing had helped both mentally and physically, but now that D-day was here, I felt like a failure. I wanted to run out of there, straight back to bed, and pull the covers over my head for the next week until this all blew over.
“Great, I found you. What’re you doing back here alone?” Sydney looked around at the darkest corner I could find to hide in the midst of all the hustle and bustle that was the backstage of these things. My only saving grace is that no one seemed to have noticed my absence but leave it to her to be the only one.
“Look at me! You’re a professional. You can do this. This is what you’ve dreamed of your whole life, what you’ve worked for since you were a child. So, what if he’s here? Perfect, show him that he means nothing to you, show all of them that they didn’t break you, show the whole damn world.”
Okay, she was still pissed at my ex. Since we haven’t spoken of him in all these years, I never really knew, though it was suspected. But there was no mistaking the venom in her voice when she spoke of him and “them.” Them would be the clique made up of his wife and her friends. A group of mean girls who seemed to have forgotten that we were no longer in high school and never knew how to act accordingly.
In the very beginning, when I was trauma-seeking, their names would always show up in mentions with my ex and his wife. They made for a very happy bunch back then, but I haven’t heard anything about them lately since, even with the success of my newly released single, I’ve still steered clear of all social media.
Rachel has been in charge of that aspect of my life for some time now, and she knows better than to mention them even though there have been a few slipups here and there of late. She, like Sydney, thinks it’s high time I face my fears head-on; they just go about making their opinions known in very different ways.
Believe it or not, Sydney is the more patient of the two; as for Rachel, she talks a good game when it comes to pushing me, but when it seems to be too much, she’d be the first to backpedal. And none of that is of any use to me tonight. I need to get out of my head long enough to get through this and then go back to where I was before.
I know one thing, I’ll never do this again. After tonight, I’ll never make a promise to put myself out there. I wasn’t ready; I thought I was, and maybe everyone else around me probably thought I should be, but I’m just not. This was a mistake.