Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
“Do you want to come say hi?” At least she’s not completely dense since there was a hint of displeasure in her voice. Too bad for her; I was feeling mean. So whereas I usually deny her and would rather stay as far away from that bunch as I possibly can, this time, I smirked and said yes.
“Sure!” I’m not sure why. It was my mistake more than hers, but lately, I hate her for being there at that altar; I hate her for being so happy on that day. I had an excuse; I was high and pissed off. But what was hers? Why had she gone along with it?
I’ve never asked her outright, though, in my more sober moments, I’ve wondered. The fact that she knew I never had any intentions of marrying her, that before all this, there was only one woman the whole world knew I wanted to marry, and still she’d said, ‘I do,’ makes me wonder just what kind of girl she was, this wife of mine.
There were times when I could swear her good girl act cracked just a little, but she always had that smile on her face, mixed with that look of understanding that always made me feel bad for doubting her.
I felt one of my headaches coming on and rubbed my forehead. “Uh-oh, another headache? I’ll get you some Tylenol to help with that. You should maybe forego seeing the girls tonight; you need some rest.” She got up to go to the bathroom, and I watched her leave the room, willing myself just for once to feel something, anything, but I came up empty once again.
It wasn’t her fault that she was not the one I saw or wanted to see when I looked across my pillow in the morning or sitting across from me at the dinner table. It’s not her fault that as attractive as she is, she doesn’t hold a candle to the one who lives in my heart.
Chapter 6
*Elena*
“I can’t believe you did all this in just a week and a half. This is unprecedented, and I’m so proud of you. You did good, chicklet.” Sydney wrapped her arms around me in a warm hug. A hug that I didn’t know I needed as much as I obviously did until now. It made the last few days of manic obsession so worth it. And the fast pace I’d put myself through had paid off from the sound of it.
I had no reason to doubt her words as she’s one of the best in the business, both as a singer and a songwriter, so the real pleasure I saw in her face helped ease the knots in my stomach. I was still reeling from the fact that I’d done it all in ten days, more or less.
I’d had to do some lying and fast-talking to find the time to do it on my own without interruption. In the mornings, I’d feign not wanting to get out of bed, allowing my family and Rachel to believe that I was still down from the outing on the day of the interview, something I’m not proud of.
But I knew they wouldn’t have given me a moment’s peace otherwise if they knew what I was really up to because the last time I’d tried going into the studio, I’d had a massive breakdown that had landed me in the hospital. Just the sight of the room where we’d spent so much time together had been the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back, and it was too much for my poor, fractured mind to handle.
That whole scene was a blessing in disguise, believe it or not. I’d done a lot of healing there, shut away from the outside world and all the white noise. But the hurt and pain will never go away. I will never be whole again, and it took a lot of therapy to get me to a place where I could accept that.
It’s not easy living with the thought that the whole universe is against you. One minute your boyfriend is marrying someone else, and the next, while you’re still reeling from the blow, you lose your ever-loving shit, only to be stricken not long after that mental fuck with a rapidly growing form of cancer that leaves you debilitated and weak, scared and alone. What’s a girl supposed to think?
There were days when I just wanted to give up, just throw in the towel, and be done with everything forever. But somehow, in my darkest moments, even though he was the cause of all this, I’d see his face behind the closed lids of my eyes, and it was as if I could hear his voice begging me to hold on.
Hold on, for what? That is what I’d ask myself at those times, but still, that glimpse of him in my mind would somehow give me the strength to pull through to the other side, and I’d live to see another day. Bleak and dreary as it was.