Total pages in book: 35
Estimated words: 33692 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 168(@200wpm)___ 135(@250wpm)___ 112(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 33692 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 168(@200wpm)___ 135(@250wpm)___ 112(@300wpm)
“Well, it’s a good thing you have me to teach you how to practice a little self-care,” I offer.
“I guess it is,” he says, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiles. “The truth is, I don’t talk about things because I’ve never trusted anybody enough to listen. Nor have I ever wanted to burden anyone with my crap.”
“Yeah, well, you’ve got me now. And talking to you is hardly a burden.”
“Yeah, I suppose I do have you,” he replies, looking at me with an expression of genuine affection. “And I wake up every morning wondering how this happened, but I’m entirely grateful for it.”
“So am I. More than you know,” I tell him. “But this thing that’s gripping you, this heaviness in your brain and your heart, it’s never going to go away until you confront the issue. It’s not a lot different from when you were in the Army.”
“How so?”
“In the Army, when there was an enemy, you attacked them head-on, right?”
Cash laughs. “It was a bit more complicated than that, but I take your point.”
“Good. Because I think you need to attack this situation the way you’d attack an enemy—directly and head-on. If you do that, one of two things will happen.”
“Which are?”
“You and Zane will either be able to get past this and continue building your relationship together or you won’t,” I tell him. “Either way, the situation will be resolved, and you won’t keep torturing yourself by existing in limbo like you are right now. You won’t be surrounded by uncertainty and asking all the what-ifs. Certainty and finality, even if the answer isn’t one we like, will always provide us with the clarity and closure we need to progress in life.”
Cash looks away, a thoughtful expression on his face. He’s quiet for a couple of minutes and really seems to be considering my words. And when he turns back to me, there’s a firm set to his jaw and a glimmer of resolve in his eyes. He’s come to a decision within himself.
“So, you’re going to talk to Zane?”
He nods. “I’m going to talk to Zane. For better or worse, I’m going to talk to him,” he tells me. “Like you said, it’s probably better to know one way or the other than to keep existing in this fucking state of limbo.”
“Good for you. I’m proud of you,” I say. “And no matter what happens, we’re going to get through this, Cash. Together.”
“Together,” he says with a gentle smile. Cash falls silent again, but after a moment, he takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. “So, I take it when you go back to school, you’re going for a degree in psychology?”
I laugh softly. “I’ve always thought I’d make a good counselor.”
“I can see that. I think you’d make an excellent counselor.”
“Thanks.”
Part of what made it so easy to leave Georgia without a firm plan was because I had no real idea what I wanted to do with my life. But for the first time, I think I know the direction I want to take. I think I finally know what I want to be when I grow up.
And it makes me ecstatic.
11
CASH
It’s fucking insane. I’ve stared down the barrel of guns being held by bad guys with worse intentions and haven’t been as fucking nervous as I am right now. Standing in front of my son’s apartment, my stomach is turning somersaults so hard, I think I might be sick. Like, I might vomit all over his welcome mat. My heart is pounding in my ears and my blood pressure is so high, it’s giving me a fucking banger of a headache. I think I might stroke out in the hallway before I work up the nut to actually knock on his door.
Closing my eyes, I silently count to ten, thinking of Cassie’s face and hearing her voice echoing through my mind. Ever since she came into my life, she’s been a calming presence. Admittedly, my mind can be a noisy, chaotic place. But in such a short time, she has become my oasis in the tempest. She is my solace. She is the place I go to when the cacophony in my head becomes too much. I honestly don’t know how I ever coped with life, let alone all the bullshit that constantly bounces around my mind, without her.
Blowing out a deep breath, I grit my teeth and try to pull my shit together. I’m here for some finality. I’m here to get some closure and put this to bed one way or the other. Zane and I will either patch our shit up or we’re going to go our separate ways for good. My hope is for the former, of course. But I’ll find a way through it if it ends up being the latter. More than anything, what I’m realizing as I stand here is that I want Cassie to be proud of me.