Total pages in book: 40
Estimated words: 37079 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 185(@200wpm)___ 148(@250wpm)___ 124(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 37079 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 185(@200wpm)___ 148(@250wpm)___ 124(@300wpm)
I honestly can’t think of any believable scenarios, and Christopher’s voice echoes in my head: there are no easy answers.
Heaving a sigh, I lie down on my bed. For a moment, I can see Kara on the other side, so clearly: wearing a shirt and panties, curled into a ball, her small form breathing evenly. I blink, and the image disappears, along with any hope I have left.
Whatever her reason, I need to accept that Kara is gone for good. The truth is that she doesn’t even really need a reason to break-up. Maybe she just wasn’t feeling it anymore, while I was riding on Cloud Nine, imagining things. Maybe she’d lost interest a long time ago, even as I believed we were growing closer and more intimate. Maybe she just wanted me for the sex all along. A normal guy would be thrilled to be in that position, but instead, I merely feel like my heart’s been shattered into a million pieces.
9
Kara
The waiting room at the Ob/Gyn’s office is far more cheerful than I feel. The walls are pale blue, and one of them is filled with a mural of a cartoonish under-the-sea adventure, complete with otters, mermaids, and colorful fish. A white noise machine is plugged into the corner, washing the room in a low hum. Painted stars speckle the ceiling, and a jar of lollipops sits on the counter.
I hesitate, then take a lollipop for myself as I sign my name on the clipboard. Sugar always makes me feel better, and I definitely could use some additional comfort right now.
I pop the sucker--root beer flavored--into my mouth as I sit down in a chair in the corner. I can’t help but glance around the room, like I do every time I’m here. I never know what kinds of people I am going to see.
Today, there are three women, two kids, and one harried-looking man. Two of the women are pregnant, too; one of them has her two toddlers sitting on the floor near her, playing with a puzzle. The man sits with her, bouncing his leg and looking uncomfortable.
The woman closest to me rocks a baby in her arms. I crane my neck to get a better look, a smile tugging at my lips. The baby is fast asleep, looking perfectly safe and content in his mother’s arms. His tiny rosebud mouth is pursed with contentment.
“He’s so cute,” I murmur around the lollipop despite myself, and the woman smiles at me.
“Thank you,” she says. Her eyes rest on my stomach. “How far along are you?”
I rub my small belly gently.
“Four months,” I proclaim. I’m barely able to believe it myself, but my baby is growing and I’m excited, as well as a little scared.
“The second trimester is so much better than the first,” the woman says, and I smile gratefully at her. The past few months, while certainly exciting, have also been hellish on my body and mind. I am looking forward to the more unpleasant symptoms hopefully easing up.
“That’s good to know,” I say.
“Is your partner taking good care of you?” she asks, smiling. “You deserve to be pampered, especially as the pregnancy progresses!”
I know she means well, but the words fall like stones on my heart. I wince a little and try to formulate some kind of lie. Thankfully, I’m saved from having to respond by the nurse calling my name.
“Ms. James? We’re ready for you,” she says.
“Sorry, it’s my turn,” I say, and the woman waves as I hustle through the door to the examination room.
My doctor is a woman named Dr. Hussein, and she’s been nothing but kind to me throughout this process. Every time I sit on the examining table, though, I get a flashback: Rick, tenderly touching the side of my face; Rick, taking off my clothes; Rick, having sex with me in the hospital, on a silver table just like this one. It always takes me a minute to be fully present for my appointment. Dr. Hussein must think I am an especially flighty bimbo.
“Huh?” I mumble as I realize that the doctor has asked me a question several times now.
“Just wanting to take your blood pressure, Kara.” She smiles kindly at me, and I do my best to smile back. At least I have someone nice on my side. In fact, she’s the only person on my side because no one else knows that I am pregnant, not even my parents or Bailey.
“Blood pressure looks good,” says Dr. Hussein. I am grateful for that. “Now, for the fun part…”
“The pee-in-a-cup part?” I suggest, and she laughs.
“That’s the one. You know where the bathroom is by now, right?”
I head out the door and down the hall to the tiny bathroom. I frown at myself in the mirror, my face harshly illuminated by the fluorescent lights. I look paler than usual - wan, even. The sprinkle of freckles across the bridge of my nose looks like ink against my skin. Blue and purple circles sit under my eyes. My hair has been pulled back into a flat ponytail for as many days as I can remember. If pregnancy promotes a glowing sort of beauty, I certainly haven’t seen its effects yet.