Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 81423 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81423 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Before
“Did you hear about the guy who cut off the left side of his body?” I asked Law as he used the key card to open the door of our hotel room.
He stopped, looked at me, his brows pulled together. “No.”
“Eh, he’s all right now.” God, I was an idiot. I didn’t know why I told these stupid jokes. Sometimes it was all I knew how to say, and funny enough, it helped. When he chuckled, it helped even more.
“Your jokes are cute.” Law opened the door, and we stepped inside.
“Holy shit, this is a nice room. You didn’t have to get such a nice room.” I glanced around the suite.
“It’s not a big deal,” he replied, and I knew he meant it. Things like this weren’t a big deal to him, but they were to me. I could never afford to get us a room like this, where we could talk and laugh and…I didn’t know what else. I hoped there would be more, though.
But one day I would. One day I’d be able to take care of Mom and the kids, and I’d be able to take Law out for some fancy dinner and then to a room as nice as this, where we’d… I still wasn’t sure what we would do there either.
It had been three months since I’d met him. Three months since the first time we’d kissed and acted on those things I’d always known were there.
We talked every day—texting, calling, emailing, whatever. When I was playing in Charlottesville at random coffeehouses, Law always came to see me. We’d walk and talk or sit in his car and we’d kiss. Fuck, I loved kissing him. It was like his mouth broke my world open, let all this light inside. Like maybe the sunrise lived in his lips and I got to experience its beauty every time his mouth touched mine.
Tonight was the first time we were doing…this…meeting up to spend the night together, to maybe do…more than kissing.
“Are you hungry? I can get room service,” Law said, but I shook my head. I wasn’t letting him buy us food too. “You look nervous. Why are you so nervous? I don’t bite.” He winked. “Unless you want me to.”
I wanted him to do a whole lot of things to me, wanted it so much, I ached. The ease with which he said it made me feel more comfortable but also envious. I wasn’t like him. I couldn’t put myself out there the same way. Only, that wasn’t really true, was it? I did it with him. Even that first night, I’d talked to him and told him things about myself I would never say to anyone. Law was different.
“Seriously, Rem. There’s no obligation here. I just wanted… I thought it would be cool if we had somewhere to actually go, ya know?”
“I know.” I set my guitar case down. Yes, there was no obligation, but I wanted. And I knew he did too. Law was newer to these feelings, but he was a whole lot better at just going for it.
He was my first everything. My first kiss, my first…whatever we were doing. Growing up the way I had, we’d been a bit isolated. We had church and youth group, but I was always the weird, quiet kid. I didn’t make friends easily, and I sure couldn’t hit on boys, and I’d never been into girls. Law wasn’t a virgin. He’d had sex with girls, quite a few of them. And he’d liked it, from what he said. He was into both, and I wondered why in the hell he would be there with me when he could have anyone.
Words were lost to me, so I did something else instead. My hand was shaking when I reached up and cupped his face. When I pulled him in so our lips met. He opened up for me, and kissing him was like music, all the beautiful things in the world wrapped into one. My thoughts were overwhelming. I’d always been too emotional, too trapped inside myself, except when I played or when I was with him. He set me free.
God, I wanted to hold on to that. To take courage from it. To be more like him.
We kissed as I walked him backward to the bed.
We kissed for what felt like a lifetime yet only seconds too.
Then Law was tugging at my shirt and asking if it was okay.
“Yeah.” Moments later we were naked, naked together in bed, and I wanted to play him like he was my guitar, but I also couldn’t stop simply sitting there and looking at him. “Christ, you’re beautiful.”
He was like a dream, with perfect blue eyes and perfect blond curls. He lived a perfect life, yet he was still kind and wanted to be there with me.