Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 81423 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81423 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
I wanted…I wanted to be happy. Really, truly happy.
I wanted a real life with him.
“I don’t want to make things harder for you.”
I kissed his shoulder. “You’re the only thing in this world that makes me want more.” Which was why I had to do this. “I’m gonna leave tomorrow instead of Sunday.” Because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t go.
Law nodded, turned, pushed me onto my back, and laid himself on top of me. “It seems like sometimes you think it’s just you who needs me, but that’s not true. I need you, Remy. Whatever you gotta do, you do it, but don’t fool yourself for a minute by thinking my life would be easier without you.”
He smiled…and then, then he shook his head, his curls all in my face. I laughed and hugged him. We laughed together, and this moment, this was what we deserved more of. I’d find a way to make it happen, no matter what I had to do.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Lawson
I couldn’t get my head into what I needed to do. Remy left today, early, when I’d gotten up to come into Sunrise. All I could think was…why hadn’t we watched another sunrise together since he’d been in Havenwood? It had been our thing before, because of that song and some of our nights together. Hell, it was why I’d named my café Sunrise, and yet we didn’t make time to do it again. What if we didn’t get the chance?
I trusted him, wanted to do what was best for him. If he needed time to sort through his thoughts, I would give it to him, but I was so damn scared this was the beginning of the end. That I would lose him again. That I somehow wasn’t good for him.
That was the scariest part. I wanted to be something positive in Remy’s life, not something that made it harder. He had enough of that, put enough pressure on himself. I wanted to be his solace.
I must have been pretty quiet the whole day at work, because when we closed the restaurant, Mary Beth sat on a stool at the bar and patted the seat beside her. I wanted to deny her, to just clean the place up and go home, but I sighed instead and sat beside her.
“I’m gonna tell you a story, kiddo.”
I smiled at the moniker. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Since when are you yes, ma’am-ing me?” she teased, and I chuckled.
“I guess you’re right.”
She paused for a moment, her finger tracing imaginary designs on the countertop, and I could tell this was serious. “I grew up in Havenwood. Not sure if you knew that, but I did, and I know how backward some of the thinking can be. It’s better now, thankfully, but there’s still work to do, and it was a hundred times worse back then.” Mary Beth took a deep breath, nodded. “That’s why when I started feeling some things I knew I shouldn’t, I buried it deep, so deep that most of the time, I could tell myself it wasn’t real. Until I could lie to myself the way I did everyone else.”
Blood rushed through my ears as I turned to look at her. “I’m sorry,” slipped out in a whisper. I couldn’t imagine doing that. Sure, I hadn’t been upfront in the beginning, but I always knew I would be one day. At first I’d been quiet because of Remy, then because I didn’t want anyone other than him, but I’d never felt like I had to deny who I was.
“It is what it is. There’s no going back now. Anyway, I got married young—good ole Southern boy to make Mama and Daddy proud. I left with him when his career took him away. I stayed home and played the part I was supposed to play. I cooked and cleaned and hosted dinner parties with people I had nothing in common with, all the while, shoving more and more dirt over who I really was. I tried to be a good wife and tried to be a mother, but I was failing in the mom department. Years went by, and I didn’t get pregnant. The longer it took, the more I realized I wanted it, that I might not get to have other things I desired, but I craved a child, so maybe at least I could have that.”
There was so much pain in her voice, I felt it deep in my soul. It was crazy sometimes, the things people held inside them. That you could know someone for years, and yet there could be so many hidden parts of them you’d never seen.
“Then finally, finally, I got pregnant when I was thirty-five. It was a dream come true. I was going to get my baby, and I suddenly felt like I’d succeeded as a wife too. I know it sounds silly, but that was how it felt, like I’d been a failure at everything I tried to do. I had some troubles and ended up on bed rest, but I followed the doctor’s orders because there was nothing I wanted more than that child—than my son.