Total pages in book: 39
Estimated words: 36122 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 181(@200wpm)___ 144(@250wpm)___ 120(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 36122 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 181(@200wpm)___ 144(@250wpm)___ 120(@300wpm)
“Weeks, Esteban. It’s been weeks.” Russ’s voice was patient, but there was a strain there that hadn’t been there before. “And I was never committed to Soren. We weren’t friends like you and me. He cooked for me a couple of times, but we never cooked together. Never fell asleep in front of the TV. Never went shopping together. Never did half the stuff we’ve done. He was an okay guy, but I wasn’t in love with him. I liked the idea of him a lot. But the actual him? I’m not sure I’ve really missed him at all.”
“Exactly. You haven’t let yourself grieve for the lost chance.” He tried for a logical tone, even if it was Murray’s logic, not his—the reason he’d given Esteban before going back to his ex. “You never know, you might start missing him at some point.”
Russ snorted, clearly not buying Esteban’s reasoning. “And I might take up bungee jumping too. You never know. You can’t miss something you never had. I’m not about to miss his bad attitude or emotional distance, and I wish you’d trust me on that.”
“It’s not that I don’t trust you…” Esteban had to trail off because he might trust Russ—the human who was kind and generous—but he wasn’t sure he trusted either of their hearts.
“Or maybe I’ll do something really wacky and fall in love with you.” Russ’s voice was light, but there was a challenge there too.
Esteban literally recoiled on the bed, scooting back. Fake relationships he could handle. Friends who found themselves in bed was somewhat murkier but he could still rationalize it. But this? Love? Russ didn’t get to toss those words around.
“No. You can’t. Don’t talk like that.”
“Why? It’s true.” Russ sat up, scrubbing at his hair, tone shifting to exasperated. “I’m already more than halfway there. And if my time in the military showed me anything, it’s how time is fleeting, and we need to make the most of what little we’ve got. I’m not going to pretend I don’t have feelings for you simply because you think it’s too soon.”
“It is. No one falls in love that fast.”
“A month? Really? I know plenty of couples who fell in love before date three, even.”
“And how long did they last?”
“Judy told Bob on their second date that she was going marry him. Apparently he believed her, and they don’t show any signs of cracking.”
“Yeah, but was she on the rebound?”
“Are we really fighting over timing? Because if we’re going to talk timing, I was intrigued by you before I bought the place—”
“Mayra,” Esteban groaned, willing to blame his Realtor friend for this mess.
“And then there was the matter of your cat.”
“My cat?”
“Yeah. The big one.” Russ gestured at the end of the bed. “You had to retrieve him the first time long before Soren. And it wasn’t only what Mayra said—I saw you and I was definitely interested. But you were…distant.”
“I was worried you were the conservative sort of ex-military jock type,” Esteban admitted.
“Well, now you know I’m not. And unless this has all been some sort of holiday charity exercise for you… Wait. Is that it? This is some sort of slumming thing? Like give the vet a good holiday and then get back to your real life?” The vulnerability on Russ’s face made Esteban’s back muscles clench and his hands reached for Russ even without his brain’s permission.
“That’s not it at all,” he reassured him, patting his arm. “This is a real friendship. I don’t doubt that. And I haven’t been faking liking you. I told you, I don’t think I could. Not with you. You make me…” He trailed off, casting about for the right word. Crazy. Aching.
“Scared,” Russ supplied, and because that was true, too, Esteban had to nod.
“Yeah,” he whispered. “That. You make me feel things. Crazy things. But the timing is all wrong, and I worry that you’ll regret getting deeply involved later, and then I’ll be collateral damage when you move on.”
“So you want to break up with me now, so I don’t break up with you later?” Russ blinked. Esteban hadn’t thought of it like that that, that Russ was maybe going to leave, like right now, this minute. But apparently Russ had, because he pushed himself off the bed and started retrieving his clothes from the floor. “That’s honestly pretty damn crappy.”
“Wait! I didn’t mean you have to go.” Dragging half the covers with him, Esteban stood. “We can be friends—”
“I don’t want to be your friend.” Russ’s voice was disheartened, the sad guy from Thanksgiving Esteban had assumed they’d banished for good. He looked as defeated as he sounded.
“You don’t?” Esteban was shocked, temperature in the room dropping thirty degrees. He’d been counting on keeping this friendship. Only at this second was he realizing how much he’d been relying on that future.