Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 74451 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 372(@200wpm)___ 298(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74451 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 372(@200wpm)___ 298(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
I was mortified.
Then, she rocked my world giving me her blessing. When Emily gave me the letter from Ryder, I remember feeling disbelief and excitement roll together and fill me with a warmth I didn’t know existed—the same warmth I felt waking up in Ryder’s arms.
Shit.
Shaking my head in frustration, I pull myself back to the present. I was a fool then and I’m a bigger fool now.
I hear the door in the back of the theater open, but I ignore it. It’s probably a couple finally arriving. There's no one else in here which is unusual. It stands to reason there are people finally arriving. Two or three couples usually catch the old matinees, especially later in the evenings. They’re usually older, although some younger couples come in to make out in the dark room.
I talked Keith into coming to see the shows a couple of times when we were dating. I even tried to talk him into making out with me, but it was useless. He was so against PDA that he wouldn’t hold hands with me where people could see. We only ever kissed in private. I always knew we weren’t well matched. I think Keith did, too, but he denied it all the time.
I was just lonely.
I wanted more from a man, but he liked me. No, he loved me and cared for me. That said, his type of love was restrained. It was comfortable and yet left me constantly feeling empty. That's what ultimately led to us breaking up.
Maybe I should have tried to be happy, even if it was settling. In the end, I didn't try, and Keith got tired of trying to be enough for the both of us. I’m starting to realize part of the reason I never fully could give myself to Keith—or anyone—is because I think Ryder Monroe has always been in my head.
I'm twenty-five, and Ryder is even older. He’d be twenty-seven now. Weird high school crushes shouldn’t last this long, not without something feeding them—something other than wild fantasies.
I jump when Ryder sits down beside me.
I sigh as I close my eyes. “How did you find me?” I whisper.
“My mother told me where you might be.”
“Oh.” I don't know what else to say. I can't push away the embarrassment. It's clouding my thoughts and making me dizzy.
He reaches out to hold my hand, but I yank it away as if burned by his touch. I'm far too overwhelmed and vulnerable right now. A little more than stupid.
“Buttons, we're going to have to talk,” Ryder says softly.
“No, we don't need to talk. There’s nothing left to be said,” I argue. “I'd actually be okay with forgetting it all.”
“That doesn’t work for me, sweetheart.”
“Why not?” I whine, trying to keep my voice down even though we're the only ones here.
“Because,” he starts. “I just found out that I'm responsible for hurting you, and I didn't even have a clue.”
“Clueless or not, that letter was from you,” I point out, rolling my eyes. “I'm not stupid—at least not that stupid.”
“Tillie, I did write the note, but it was for Emily, stupidly thinking that we could try again,” he says, with a shake of his head.
“You don't think I figured that out over the years? Heck, I figured it out that night—at least most of it. It doesn't matter. You were still in love with her while I was in love with you. It would've hurt with or without the letter. Seeing you with her and hearing you say out loud how you felt about her, while making love with her—all while thinking I was there to finally have you in my world. It hurt.”
“Damn it, sweetheart.”
“Ryder, honestly, it doesn't matter. It was six years ago. We're different people now. It's in the past.”
“It's not the past, though. It's here between us now, Tillie.”
“There is no us,” I tell him dryly.
He reaches over, turning my head, so I have to turn my whole body in my seat to look at him as he cups the side of my face. His thumb strokes soothing circles into my cheek.
“There is,” he says adamantly.
“Why? What's so different now?” I ask. “Is it because Emily isn't in the picture? Because I'm still the same person Ryder. What happens if Emily comes back? Or heck, some other woman just as beautiful and appealing to you as she was? You never noticed me all those years ago. Once you find another Emily to warm your bed, I'll fade into the woodwork just as I did before—just as I always have.”
“Christ. You haven't heard a word I've said to you,” he says, sighing heavily.
“I have. But I also know when a man wants a woman, he doesn't hold back the way you have–especially if she's offering more,” I argue. “I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but today is just a reminder that I'm just not the girl for you and it’s a reminder I desperately needed.”