Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 74451 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 372(@200wpm)___ 298(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74451 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 372(@200wpm)___ 298(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
“It's home,” she says, shrugging. My gaze drops, taking in how her tits move in her shirt with that small movement. I look up before she can catch me looking.
“Maybe you'd find a home away from here if you ever left,” I joke.
“I'm not you, Ryder.” She shakes her head, looking like she'd rather be doing anything else but having this conversation. “I'm happy here.”
“I never told you I wasn't happy here,” I tell her. I don't even have to think about it. That's not a conversation I’ve had with many people.
“No, we never talked much at all. But I can remember Emmie telling me once or twice how you told her you hated Pine Ridge.”
“Do you ever talk to her anymore?” I ask. I can feel my smile falter. Damn.
“Who? Emmie?” she asks. I can see the look of pity slide across her face as she stares back at me.
I nod, frowning. I don't understand why she'd pity me.
“No, we never talk much at all. We...uh...grew apart."
Grew apart? Something in the heaviness of her tone tells me there's more to that than she's saying, but I don't push for answers. That doesn’t mean I like the sadness in her voice, however. I know Emily moved away, maybe that’s what makes her sad.
“It happens. It's been a long time since high school.” I feel stupid pointing it out, but I have no idea what to say next.
“Yeah. I hope you have a good time visiting your folks,” she responds, her tone clipped. She's dismissing me. I guess Emily didn’t exaggerate when she said Tillie didn’t like me.
“I’m sure I will,” I answer. I try to sound upbeat, but even I can hear the stress in my voice. I don't know who I’m trying to fool, but it’s not me, and by the look on Tillie’s face, it’s not her either.
I plaster on one of my baseball interview smiles, liking the tinge of pink coloring her cheeks as she tries to ignore it. “See you around, Buttons.”
“See you around, jerk.”
I laugh as I turn to leave the store. I'm about to climb in my truck when I realize I forgot to get the items that my mother sent me here for. I pull out the paper list she wrote from my pocket and sigh. I'm not going back in there. I’ll look like an idiot. I’ll just have to go to the wholesale place on the outskirts of town.
There's no way in hell I'm going to face Tillie and admit I forgot why I was there the minute Emily West was brought up. That's a long-lost memory that's best left dead and buried.
Tillie
I pull up to the Double M ranch and get out of my Bronco. For a minute I just sit in the vehicle and try to collect my nerves. I concentrate on my vehicle instead of where I’m at. I love Marilyn—which is what I named her. I’ve had her for a couple of months, and I still have to stop and look at my pretty, powder blue SUV sometimes—just because.
I splurged to buy it, but I saved money for a long time to make sure when I got it, I paid quite a bit down to keep my payments reasonable. I'm proud of it. Buying it felt like a huge achievement—one that I accomplished all on my own.
Today, however, Marilyn lets me down. She completely fails to calm my nerves. It’s not like I expected her to, not really. It’s more like this huge hope that something would–before I die of a heart attack. I don’t have heart problems that I know of, but I'm nervous about being here and I know stress is a major prerequisite to heart issues. Right now, I have that in spades. It’s so bad that I thought about skipping my yearly gift to Clara.
This is all Ryder’s fault. I haven't been able to function since he came into the store yesterday. I don't know what it is about that man that has always made me such a mess. I lose my mind around him. Yesterday made it clear that even after six years, his effect on me hasn’t gone away. Which is so ridiculous. It used to be just a schoolgirl crush, but I can't say that anymore. I haven’t been a schoolgirl in forever—unless you count the accounting classes I took at the community college.
It drives me crazy. I don’t know why I feel this pull towards the man. I mean it has never been reciprocated. Ryder never noticed me like that. I was just Emily West's pudgy, weird, friend-barely a blip on his radar. I never did tell him how I felt either because I had some misguided sense of loyalty to Emily.
Because I was stupid.
Would things have been any different if I had known back then what a complete bitch she was? Probably not, because regardless, Ryder didn't know any other girl was alive—especially not a painfully awkward, chubby girl who was way too shy.