Total pages in book: 92
Estimated words: 86226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 431(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 287(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 431(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 287(@300wpm)
And then there are times he softens. He never punishes without soothing afterward. He takes his duty of aftercare seriously. He kisses, he holds me close, and cuddles me into his muscled chest while stroking my hair repeatedly. He bathes me and cares for me in ways I didn’t know possible. The more Phoenix punishes, the more he loves. The yin and yang of his sadist self is more than I could ask for. These months at the manor, and now at the penthouse, are the most fulfilling relationships I have ever experienced.
I try my best not to think about the day I will have to leave him. If I bring it up in conversation, he bends me over and sears my behind. It is not to be spoken of in his presence. It is clear he had a mission. A plan.
Fighting back tears, I decide that I need to speak with Phoenix, even though it will result in punishment. “Phoenix,” I say tentatively. “I was hoping I could discuss something with you.” I have to act now. I need to bring it up in my own way before he shuts it down completely without any input from me.
He looks up from his meal with annoyance in his eyes. “No.”
His sharp answer takes me by surprise, but I swallow back the lump in my throat and carry on. “Once I’m pregnant—”
He looks up at me with wide eyes. “Are you?”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “But once I am—”
“My sister and I have it all planned out,” he says. “You have nothing to worry about, but your time paying for your actions will be over. So, you should be happy about that.”
“So, when I leave the penthouse—”
Phoenix swallows the last bite of his meal before speaking in a deep and menacing voice. “We will discuss this once we know you are definitely pregnant. No reason to discuss this now.”
“I want to stay with you. Not be shipped off to some hidden location.”
“No.”
“I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to leave Seattle.”
“I don’t care.”
“I don’t believe you,” I say without pause. “I think you do care, and no matter what you say, I think you feel the same way about me that I feel about you.”
“This conversation is over.”
“Phoenix…”
“I said no,” he snaps.
“How can you stare at me like that and feel nothing?” My voice cracks and wavers. “Am I truly nothing more than a body? Just a surrogate for your baby?”
“That’s what you are.”
His words shatter my heart. Why does he have the power over me to do so? Why am I drawn toward a man who has never led me to believe there was anything more? He has only caused me pain—both physically and mentally. So why? Why do his words stab at me? He hasn’t made any promises. He has never whispered sweet nothings about the perfect future together. I should know how he will act. I should know how he will feel. But my heart has taken over.
“I have sat across from you at this table for days. We have had sex. You have demanded my submission in the most intimate of ways, and I have given it to you. Please. I know you have to feel something more. I can feel it in your touch.”
“I touch you in order to keep you in line. To make you pay for your betrayal and to guarantee it will never happen again. Nothing more.”
“Not true.”
He looks at me with the most severe warning I have yet seen.
I clear my throat and try to keep my voice calm and steady. “I can see. I notice what you do. When you spank me, you also dip your finger between my folds to see that I am wet. My arousal is important to you. When a punishment is over, and I’m crying, you wait with me until my tears cease. You want to care for me. You want to give me comfort because you feel more even though you aren’t capable of admitting that to yourself. You want this because you do feel something for me. I know this. I feel this. You are lying if you say otherwise.”
“Ani…” His warning sends a shiver up my spine, but I don’t stop. I can’t. I’m not wrong. I can’t be. He’s just too stubborn to see.
“I’m not asking for love right away. I’m not asking for you to be someone you aren’t or can’t be. I’m just asking for you to be honest. This hasn’t been easy for me. I’m not usually this open and free with my feelings, but you made me this way. It’s because of you that I can say how I feel. I hunger for you. You wake up a passion inside of me that salivates to be quenched. You spark a flame inside. When we made love—”