Total pages in book: 136
Estimated words: 131789 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131789 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
Fucking hell. I feel fluffy.
“What about your sister?” he asks, jarring me from my somewhat concerning thoughts. “How’s she doing at school? Last time you mentioned it, seemed like things were tough.”
“I wish I could say it’s gotten better, but it’s not,” I admit. “Casey smiles through it, though. Doesn’t want to be a burden on anyone. She’s always been like that. It’s enough to convince my dad. But not me. I know she’s struggling.”
“It’s gotta be hell coming back from something like that.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. The ache of guilt is always there. The dozens of choices I could have made differently to prevent all of this. I live with it, but never forget.
“I do my best to take care of her…”
“But who’s taking care of you?”
“Nobody. That’s the problem.” I sigh. “I know it makes me sound like a bitch. My little sister went through something horrible and I’m sitting here—”
“You’re allowed to have feelings,” he tells me, kissing my temple. “It’s okay to get tired or frustrated or stressed out.”
“It’s not her, though. Casey can ask me for anything, any time. I don’t mind. But our dad is totally preoccupied with everything else. What little attention he does have is only concerned with her, and I’m supposed to suck it up and be the invincible one. Like our whole world is balancing on a ball on my head while I’m teetering on a toothpick.”
My throat tightens again, this time with sadness. Every now and then it’d be nice if Dad showed some interest in how I’m doing. If he had even the slightest inclination toward being a parent beyond scaring off my boyfriends. I know he needs me, but I’m at my wit’s end.
“In his mind, it always comes back to that night. She was my responsibility and I let him down. So now it’s penance.”
I feel RJ stiffen. “Why does he think what happened to her is your fault?”
Because it is. On that much we’re in agreement.
“Duke and I were on a break, so I figured it would be fun to bring Casey as my date to junior prom. Dad wasn’t thrilled with the idea, so he made me swear up and down that I’d keep an eye on her. Everything was going fine at first. She was dancing with some of my friends and having a great time. Then Duke cornered me, making his case for the hundredth time why I should take him back.”
I swallow again. On the list of massive life regrets, that one goes right to the top. If I’d listened to my gut, told him to fuck off, it would have prevented everything that came next.
“And, well, you know, one thing leads to another. We hook up. We’re gone awhile and when we come back, I don’t see Casey. I look around, check everywhere I can think of, but I can’t find her. Eventually we all start searching. Silas and Lawson—the guys are all there and they spread out. We’re frantically searching for over an hour before I get a text from her phone.”
It still haunts me. The split-second of relief followed by the dead-cold panic that rushed through my blood.
“It said there’d been an accident and to come to the boathouse.” The memories try to race to the surface, but I tamp them down. Banish them to the deep depths of my psyche. “Needless to say, it wasn’t a pretty scene. The cops figured the car was headed to the abandoned boathouse and then for some reason swerved and went into the lake. We spent months begging them to keep investigating, but without a witness to say anything, or security footage, they threw their hands up and closed the case.”
I only realize I’m shivering when RJ pulls the covers up and hugs me closer. I’m suddenly exhausted and having trouble keeping my eyes open. Even the memories of that night take it out of me. For months it’s like I’ve been on the other end of a rope, standing at the shore, trying to pull that car out of the water. Grunting and screaming, tugging with all my strength, but no matter how hard I dig my feet into the mud, it’s going to sink and suck me in with it.
“None of that sounds like your fault,” he assures me. And he’s not the first. I appreciate the attempt, but I know better.
“It’s killing me. There are so many unanswered questions, and it seems impossible there wasn’t a single witness. I can’t help thinking there are people I’ve talked to, who I believed were my friends, who saw what happened and never came forward.”
“Listen, don’t freak out on me, but…”
I twist up to look at him. “What?”
“I may have done some digging into that, too. Your sister’s accident. I was curious.” There’s a slight waver in his voice, as if he’s afraid to remind me of his hacking prowess. “I was poking around but didn’t find anything useful in the case files.”