Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 82524 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 413(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82524 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 413(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
“It’s the truth.” I hear rustling coming from his side of the phone, and I wonder if he’s hiding while he talks to me. “I’ve never thrown caution to the wind. You were the first time I didn’t think things through.”
I blink as I watch the stars in the sky. “Um, thanks.” I chuckle. “I think.” What does one say to that? Do I tell him he was the first time in my whole life I threw caution to the wind? Do I tell him the night with him is a night I think of every single time Avery does something new? Do I tell him I think about him every single time things get rough, and I don’t think I can do it or that I’m not doing a good enough job? Do I tell him all these things? Instead of telling him those things, I stay on the safe side. “I think we need to sit down and discuss how this is going to go.”
“I would like that,” he says, and I have to give it to him. Ever since he has found out about her, he has never wavered. He has never run away; he has stood there ready to embrace everything that comes with her.
“Can you meet me tomorrow at four?” I sit up in my bed, my heart speeding up, knowing over the next couple of days, some big changes will be coming my way. I just hope I can handle them. “I’ll get Avery, and we can maybe go for ice cream or to the park.” I quickly change it, not wanting him to think I just randomly take her for ice cream instead of having her eat dinner first. This is uncharted territory for me to have to think about what he thinks about what I do with her.
“I’ll come and get you,” he quickly adds, not even bringing up the fact about the ice cream.
“It’s easier if you meet me,” I tell him, trying not to sound like I don’t want him picking us up. “I have the car seat and all of that.” I close my eyes as soon as I say it.
“Okay, do you want to go out and eat?” he asks me, and the pit of my stomach starts to burn.
“We are eating out on Saturday when we go to the fair,” I reply, knowing I really can’t afford to eat out twice in a week. I think we would survive, but there is a budget, and I stick to it.
“Okay,” he says, “I can ask Matty if I can make dinner here.” If he were in front of me, he would be able to see how my eyes just almost come out of my sockets.
I sit up in bed, flustered, thinking about him cooking in Matty and Sofia’s house. “How about you just come here for dinner?” I want to bite my tongue as soon as the words come out of my mouth. Why couldn’t I just leave it be that we would talk at the park? Why do you constantly have to say things you shouldn’t? my head yells at me.
I’m about to take it back and suggest we just talk while Avery plays when he says, “That would be amazing.”
I inwardly groan that he accepted my invitation. “But I have class at seven thirty,” I quickly add so he knows there is a time limit for this.
“Class?” he asks me. “What do you mean you have class?”
“Well, I’m trying to get my college degree,” I reply, and I don’t know why I feel a bit embarrassed even though I know I shouldn’t.
“But you were in college when we met?” I don’t know if he’s asking me the question or just remembering.
“I was but…” I let my voice trail off, trying to come up with words that won’t point the finger at the real reason I didn’t end up finishing. I don’t regret any of the choices I’ve made, especially when it comes to my life now. Things happened for a reason.
“You dropped out,” he adds what I didn’t really want to admit to him.
“I sort of had no choice,” I admit. Not wanting to drag this out, I give him what I would normally not share. “Here is the thing with my family,” I say, looking down at my hands, wondering how I can spin this story to not make it look like my family is a bunch of assholes, but well, they are. There is no beating around the bush. “My father comes from old money that he inherited from my grandfather, who also inherited it from his family. He was raised in a way where things were either right or wrong. There was no middle ground. Old family values, I would not be the one to tarnish the family name. He would not be the laughingstock of the family because he had a daughter who couldn’t keep her legs closed.” I laugh, pretending it doesn’t bother me.