Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 82829 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 331(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82829 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 331(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
Outside of their having slept together, Jay and Reggie remind me of what John and I used to be. The way we could talk for hours about everything and nothing. The way we laughed together and felt comfortable. The pain in my chest pushes to the surface again, tries to strangle me, but I do my best to swallow it down. I don’t want to ruin this moment for them, don’t want to bring heaviness to something that was fun and beneficial for us all.
I don’t want Jay to feel guilty because I know he will, and that’s the last thing I want for him.
When Reggie’s stomach growls, Jay says, “I’ll go get cleaned up so I can start dinner.”
“I need to use the restroom first.” Reggie gets out of bed, walks naked to the bathroom, and closes the door behind him.
Jay rolls over to face me. “Hi,” he says softly.
“Hi.”
“Do you promise we’re okay?”
I smile, his words helping temporarily patch the holes in my heart from missing John. “Yes. Very okay. But I would like to do something before you cook.”
He nods. I roll him to his back, then straddle his head, rubbing my balls all over his face so he doesn’t smell like another man’s jizz anymore. The wet washcloth helped with that, but I do want him to smell like me.
Jay moans in the most delicious way.
When I sit beside him again, he smiles at me. “Mmm. Now I smell like my Sir.”
“Yes. You do. You can wash everything but your face.”
“Okay.” Another grin. “I’m going to run upstairs, clean up, and put on fresh clothes.”
I nod, and he heads out. I looked earlier to make sure his ass doesn’t need cream on it, but I check again while he goes. Just as I’m sitting up on the edge of the bed, Reggie returns.
“JT?”
“He went upstairs to change. I think he’s excited to start dinner. He loves cooking.”
“Yeah, that’s really cool. I didn’t connect the dots until earlier, but now that he’s been here and talking to me about it, I realize it’s something he’s done often for me at home too. He makes the best homemade chicken soup when you’re sick.”
“I’ll have to ask him to make it for me…hopefully without the illness.” We both chuckle.
Reggie grabs his underwear and begins to tug them on. “Listen…I want to thank you for today. It was fun. And I want to make sure you know JT and I are just friends. While I enjoy hooking up with him, it’s nothing more than that.”
I nod. “Thank you for telling me and for today. I enjoyed myself.”
He lingers a moment, picking up his shorts but not putting them on right away. “I know this might sound dumb, but I just want you to know that he loves you, and I can see that you’re good for him. I’ve never seen him so happy, and while JT has always been strong and independent, somehow he’s becoming even more so. I notice a new confidence in him. I think he’s coming into his own in ways I didn’t realize he needed.”
I smile, not because of anything I did, but because of Jay and the fact that Reggie is right. “I appreciate it, but that’s all on him. I haven’t done anything but love him.”
Reggie smiles. “Loving someone is the best thing you can do for them. It’s not some magic fix, but it makes us stronger, and from that strength, anything is possible.”
My thoughts spin with his words, my gaze holding his. He’s right, of course. Even when I look at myself—a forty-year-old man set in my ways—being with Jay has made me stronger, made me want more. “You’re wise,” I tell him.
“For my age?”
I shake my head. “No. Just wise. I’m glad he has you.”
“I’m glad he has you too.”
I wait while Reggie finishes getting dressed and then goes to talk with Jay in the kitchen. I clean up, get dressed, and strip the bed for laundry, then sit down again, staring at my phone for what feels like an eternity.
Me: John…we need to talk. We’ve been friends for too long to throw it away because I’m in love with your son. I love him, John. I should have told you that day. Please talk to me. I miss you.
I smell garlic and tomatoes when I head for the kitchen and hear the sound of Jay’s and Reggie’s laughter, which makes my chest feel lighter.
The three of us talk while Jay makes our meal, then sit at the dining room table together to eat.
Jay forces us to try dinner one at a time so he can see each of our reactions, which Reggie pretends to think is ridiculous, but I don’t think he does. The food is perfect and delicious. When each of us tells him, after he makes sure we’re serious, I practically have to pull him down from the ceiling, he’s so excited.