Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 96065 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 480(@200wpm)___ 384(@250wpm)___ 320(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96065 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 480(@200wpm)___ 384(@250wpm)___ 320(@300wpm)
So why?
Are some people like her and Gareth and Solomon just born evil?
The journal is a plain, leather one with faded pink stitching. It’s so unassuming at first. When I crack it open, I smell the familiar scent of old paper. It makes me wonder about the last time it had been open. Did Eva open it, read it, and then never look at it again?
I like it here.
No one forces me to do anything.
Her cursive handwriting is legible but barely. There are also no dates listed. It’s just a random blurt of thought. Below it are some hearts in another color of ink. Beneath that in red, the writing is more chaotic.
Gideon is cold most days. Nearly as cold as his home. Sometimes I miss my old bed. It was warm. Did I really think he would love me?
She’s not wrong about Dad. Why she would care, as his daughter’s nanny, though, is troubling. It’s clear she was looking for love in all the wrong places.
I love her. She’s the only bit of warmth in this house. The way she looks at me as though I’m her savior melts my heart. Her name is Romy. I call her Ro-la because it makes her smile.
My stomach revolts at reading that. I’m imagining the young, innocent, trusting me. So vulnerable. It’s heartbreaking.
Gideon had sex with me. It was nice. There’s warmth inside him.
I cringe at the thought of Dad sleeping with my nanny. The same nanny who was abusing his little girl.
Could we be a family? I’m safe here. Gideon is an excellent provider. Bastian is his pride and joy. When he holds Romy, there’s a softness in his eyes I don’t usually see. And when in bed with me, he’s a doting lover. I want to be his wife.
My father has always been a hard, serious man. I can’t imagine him the way she describes him.
He locked his bedroom door. Why would he do that? Does he not want me anymore?
Without any dates, and Vivienne’s use of multiple pens, markers, and pencils, it’s difficult to tell how much time has passed between each entry.
I put Romy in the stroller and followed him. He was on a date with a woman. It could have been someone from his work, but they seemed so intimate. My heart is shattered.
The thought of being pushed all through the city by this unhinged woman as she stalks my father is alarming. What if she did what she did to punish him?
He was supposed to keep me safe and protect me, but it’s he who’s breaking me apart from the inside. We haven’t had sex in so long. It’s probably because he’s sleeping with women his own age behind my back. Why does he hate me now?
It’s hard to tell if she’s being delusional about Dad or if this is truly what happened. What I know of her, she’s mentally unwell. But Dad can also be the cold bastard she describes in her journal.
I couldn’t get out of bed today. Gideon’s out of town. Took Bastian with him. He never takes us. I’m so depressed. Romy’s crying, begging to be fed, is the only reason I dragged myself out of bed. If she wouldn’t be left alone, I’d end my life. He’d feel so horrible for how he’s treated me.
I slam the journal closed, my heart beating erratically. The thought of being left alone with that woman stresses me out. In my mind, I don’t see myself but Kaitlyn, and that makes it all the worse. Knowing she dealt with this woman as I did is devastating.
With tears in my eyes, I frantically start shoving all the pictures and journal back into the bag. Then I cram it into my purse. A pained howl bursts from me. Between the fight with Caius that brought back the horror of the rape and now all this stuff with Vivienne, I feel hollowed out and brittle.
And there’s no one to hold me—to promise everything will be okay.
The bathroom door opens swiftly. I tense, ready for another battle with Caius. It’s not him, though. Theo bends over the tub, places his arms beneath me, and scoops me out. I cling to him as a flood of tears comes pouring out.
It’s a reminder I still do have someone who cares about me.
Not the one I want, but I’m not in the position to be choosy right now.
Caius
Romy is a distraction.
I left her in the hotel room this morning, needing to escape and dig into the text Calista sent me. It was necessary to clear my head. I’d tried to reply back to Calista, but she went dark.
Worse yet, I couldn’t track down the location of the phone. I’d tried for hours while downstairs in the hotel lobby where I’d set up camp. The staff let me be while I sucked down coffee and scoured all my usual channels on my laptop.