Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 129207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 646(@200wpm)___ 517(@250wpm)___ 431(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 646(@200wpm)___ 517(@250wpm)___ 431(@300wpm)
Her gaze snaps to mine, and I don’t dare look away as she becomes my captive, mesmerized by my words, my voice, or maybe it’s the raw anger in my tone. I don’t know what’s drawing her in, but for as long as I have her attention, I’ll continue to sing.
This song was written at a low point in my life. I was missing her, and after realizing the wedge I’d forced between us was destroying both of us, I was angry. Hell, I’ve been angry for a long fucking time, and after hearing from Ax that she didn’t want anything to do with me, I took my pen and wrote down the ugliness of the excruciating emotions that plagued me.
She didn’t deserve this song, and after it had already been recorded and released, I’d started to regret ever writing it. But right now, I can’t help but feel that same hurt. Feel the agony of the realization that she’s no longer mine and hasn’t been for years.
That girl who laid across her bed and stared over my shoulder as I wrote down every last emotion that coursed through my body no longer exists. I broke her. I made her cold and closed off, and in leaving her behind, in abandoning her back in Michigan, I abandoned myself.
As the words flow out of me, Rae continues to watch, and as a single tear rolls down her cheek, my anger only deepens, but not because of her. Because of me. I had this chance to do something real, to dive deep and sing something that actually holds weight, something that has the power to heal both of us, and instead, I chose to be a fucking petty, butthurt asshole.
Great move on my part.
The song comes to an end, and as the boys start moving around and putting their guitars down, Rae and I remain locked in position, her gaze singeing me from the inside out. A million messages pass between us as that old connection flickers back to life, only it’s not the same.
We always had a connection, an invisible string that tied us together, and whenever she was in the room, I felt it pulse to life, glowing the most radiant golden hues. Even a million miles apart, it was still there, lying dormant, waiting for her to bring it back to life. Even after all these years, it was never severed, but now, it no longer pulses with golden light and love. It’s cold and hard, flickering with profound darkness, and it fucking kills me.
The heaviness of her pain weighs down on me, and giving her just a fraction of respite, I finally lower my gaze, releasing her from my hold. She doesn’t skip a beat, grabbing her new laptop and taking off, and all I can do is watch as the other half of my soul turns her back and walks away.
17
Raleigh
Ezra fucking Knight can go and fuck himself for all I care. ‘Cold Hearted Bitch.’ Is he for real? More like ‘Cold Hearted Asshole.’ I’m not the one who walked away. I’m not the one who left me behind. I’m not the one who tore his heart into a million little pieces then trampled all over them while living up the rockstar lifestyle.
He’s an ass. There’s no other way to put it.
He purposefully set out to hurt me today, and I’ve never wanted to nut-punch him harder. But I get it, he’s going through the motions. Seeing me again and suddenly having me on his tour . . . There’s a lot for him to process. Not to mention, having me around is an almost certain reminder of Axel, and I’m sure that can’t be easy. But it’s not easy for me either, and he sure as fuck doesn’t need to be going out of his way to try and make it harder.
I’m not here for him, despite how everybody was trying to sell me on it. I’m here for me.
I’m here because returning to Michigan isn’t an option.
I’m here because I was drowning in my old life.
I’m here because I deserve this, and this job is everything I worked all those years for.
I’m here because despite how much pain I feel inside my soul, I need my family more than I ever have before, and as much as I hate it, Ezra is part of that family. Hell, he’s my whole damn home.
Fuck. Just thinking about it gets me all worked up.
After taking off from the studio, I made my way through Ezra’s home. I didn’t want to leave in case Lenny wanted to look over the work I’d done, and after looking over their current marketing plan for this tour, it seems there is a lot more work for me to do than I anticipated, but I’m more than up for the job.