Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 129207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 646(@200wpm)___ 517(@250wpm)___ 431(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 646(@200wpm)___ 517(@250wpm)___ 431(@300wpm)
“From the looks of it, about as well as you are,” I tell him, noticing the red rims around his tired eyes.
Rock pulls back, releasing me, but he grips my hand and gently squeezes. “I know just how hard this is going to be,” he tells me. “I don’t want you to be alone. Why don’t you come sit with us? You know you’re always welcome.”
“Thanks,” I say with a small smile, wondering if Lenny from the label put him up to this before immediately dismissing the thought. Rock is just a nice guy, and clearly that hasn’t worn off. “I just . . . I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“You sure?” he asks, just as an even louder stir comes, telling me that Ezra has just walked in.
“Oh yeah,” I say, giving him a knowing look. “I’m sure.”
“Alright,” he says, knowing not to push me on this as he releases my hand. “Well, we’re right here if you change your mind. And that doesn’t just count for today. I know we haven’t been back home in a while, but you’re family, Rae. Always will be.”
I nod, not able to form a proper response as the words get caught up in my throat, and before I turn into an emotional wreck, I sit back down and watch Rock and Dylan make their way up to Axel’s casket to say goodbye.
The tears are heavy in my eyes, and I quickly wipe them away when I feel his presence. It’s electrifying, like the other half of my soul that’s been missing for so long is floating nearby, begging me to reach out and grab it.
I can’t help but discreetly glance over my shoulder and watch as he walks down the aisle, but the moment my eyes reach his face, his gaze shifts and collides with mine. Then just like the very first day I met him, I become locked in his orbit.
It’s impossible to look away, and with every step he takes down the aisle, the tension between us becomes unbearable. I’ve never felt anything like it. So many unsaid words, so many emotions. Pain. Regret. Heartache. Each one of them lingers between us, crippling me in a way I know I’ll never recover from.
I struggle to take a breath, and as if knowing just how hard this is for me, he cuts away, dropping his gaze and breaking the vicious intensity.
Ezra joins Rock and Dylan at the casket, and the whole congregation falls silent as if trying to hear what’s being said, and I take a moment to trail my gaze over him. I always knew he went all out with tattoos the same way Axel did. They’re peeking out from beneath his suit, just enough to leave me wanting to explore, to see what pieces meant so much to him that he had to have them put on to his skin. Then a sick thought occurs that if I were really that desperate to know, I could just Google it, because the internet now knows him in a way I never have.
The boys begin to shift away from the casket, and as if on cue, the blinding flashes from the paparazzi invade the church.
People gasp, desperately searching for where it’s coming from before finding them with their cameras shoved up against the church windows. The boys hastily move away and find their seats, but tomorrow’s headlines have already been solidified, and there’s not a damn thing they can do about it.
Security tackles the paparazzi, and when the church finally finds just a shred of privacy, Axel’s funeral service finally begins.
His favorite songs play softly behind a montage of images and achievements, and every story told is more heartbreaking than the last. When the sound of his most treasured guitar solo fills the church, my tears begin cascading down my cheeks.
Twenty minutes in, I hear my name, and I quickly wipe my face before digging into my purse and pulling out the folded paper that I’ve written and rewritten a million times over the past week. No matter what I wrote down, it never seemed to be enough. Nothing seemed right.
Making my way up front, I take my position behind the dais and look out over the crowd, doing everything I can to avoid the one set of eyes I want to drown in.
As I unfold my paper, a slight panic hits me that my father could be in the crowd somewhere, but I push my trauma aside and do what I can to pull myself together.
I clear my throat and glance up again, my hands shaking as I try not to see the flood of celebrities, but simply the faces of those who cared about him just as much as I always have.
“I never thought I’d have to eulogize my brother,” I start, already going off script. “Many of you have known him in recent years. His band took off six years ago, and since then, he’s been the apple of everyone’s eyes, but not many of you got to experience Axel in his younger years.”