Total pages in book: 98
Estimated words: 92659 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 463(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92659 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 463(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
“Orpheus, look at me.”
I don’t want to open my eyes. It’s a childish fear, as if by keeping my eyes closed, the heartbreaking truth won’t be real. As long as I don’t see her expression, I don’t have to acknowledge the anger and recrimination there. Maybe she could pretend that I’d changed, but after what I just told her, she’ll know I haven’t. That I might not be capable of changing. Now’s the moment she will send me away, and I deserve nothing less. Keeping my eyes closed won’t change that.
But she told me to open my eyes with that bite in her tone that I can’t disobey.
Eurydice isn’t looking at me with anger. The emotion she’s wearing is far too complex for that. There’s some anger there, to be sure, along with sadness and bitterness and even a little pity. But mostly it’s…sorrow, my mind supplies. What I’m seeing is…sorrow.
She doesn’t step away for me. “It hurt. That night when everything happened, the physical pain I experienced was nothing compared to the knowledge that you valued me so little you were willing to let me die for your ambition.”
Horror closes around my chest. “I didn’t—”
“I know. At least I know that now. I didn’t know anything that night, not beyond the kind of fear that made me worried my heart would burst.” She looks away. “I forgive you. I’m not saying you didn’t share plenty of blame for what happened, but for all the time leading up to that night? It took two of us to get there. I was just so happy to be standing in your sunlight, I didn’t care there was nothing left of me. I didn’t know who I was, Orpheus. I wasn’t confident enough to tell you when you did something that made me feel small.”
The feeling in my chest sprouts fangs and claws. “I never wanted you to feel small. Not even on my worst day.”
“I know.” Slowly, she presses her hand to my chest. “I guess my point is that we both have changed quite a bit in the last year, but some things are really hard to unlearn. More than that, I don’t think you’re nearly as selfish now as you were when we dated the first time. That man would never have even considered noticing he was being selfish, let alone worrying about it. And, for the record, you’re not being selfish to worry about your family. I’ll say that as many times as it takes for you to believe me.”
Ironically, her words make me feel better…and worse. “I don’t understand why you don’t hate me. Things made more sense when I was scrubbing Charon’s floor.” Penance. I haven’t paid nearly enough of it, no matter what she thinks. If Charon was here, he would understand.
Her nails prick my chest through my shirt. “If you want some degradation, I’m happy to oblige. But only because it’s something you want, not because it’s something you deserve.”
“Eurydice—”
“Don’t you get it? Your whole fucking life right now is penance, Orpheus. You haven’t been painting, which was the one thing that brought you pure joy. Best I can tell, you lost all your friends.”
“Turns out, they weren’t much of friends to begin with,” I mutter.
Her smile is sad and a little sharp. “I know. Now you know too. Your brother cut you off from the family purse. You’ve been miserable for months. It doesn’t change what you did, but it makes it a lot easier to forgive you. I can’t demand you forgive yourself—I wouldn’t dream of doing so—but you might want to try it on for size. Especially if you’re serious about wanting to build a life here.”
“Build a life here,” I echo. “Is that actually an option?”
“We’ll talk about it when Charon gets home.”
Because he is the other corner to our triangle. He’s a good portion of the reason why Eurydice has found her feet. He sure as fuck is the reason why I came to the lower city in the first place. He gave us the framework for this thing. I don’t know that we’d be having this conversation at all if not for him. “Okay.” I cover her hand with mine. “What can I do in the meantime to make you feel better?”
“I think we both could use a little comfort right now.” She turns her hand to interlace her fingers through mine. “Come on.”
As she leads me up the stairs, my heart starts to pound. Wasn’t I just thinking that Charon is the other corner of our triangle? Being sexual with Eurydice while he was present felt…safer. I wasn’t as worried about us bruising each other on our sharp edges. Not when he could step in at any moment.
It isn’t to the bedroom that Eurydice leads me. She takes me down a small hallway that I haven’t explored to a closed door. The look she shoots me is almost guilty, and I understand why the moment she pulls me inside.