Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 69170 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 346(@200wpm)___ 277(@250wpm)___ 231(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69170 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 346(@200wpm)___ 277(@250wpm)___ 231(@300wpm)
“I’m not gonna lie; if it was me, I would’ve crawled under my bed with a case of gin and not come out until I was someone else. I’m just making sure that you’re not hurt and hiding it.” I came to the light and turned to look at her full-on so she could see the seriousness of what I was about to say and know that it was the whole truth.
“I used to think that way, and when I first found out, I thought my whole life would buckle, and I wouldn’t be able to get back on my own two feet. But then I got to thinking, and I realized that a lot of men and women who go through something like this spend too much time worrying about society and everything else instead of listening to themselves.”
“Something inside of me died that day, but once the dust cleared, I just asked myself what I wanted, not what anyone else would. I knew from the get-go that I could never stay with a man who disrespected me like that, no matter his reasons, and that was all I focused on. If I worried about what it would do to the kids and the family and the this and the that, I’d have made myself crazy.”
“I focused solely on myself because I’m responsible for whatever kind of life I live; no one else’s, not even my kids. I raised them the best I could, and now they’re young adults with lives of their own. I wouldn’t ask one of them to put up with this shit, and I’d be damned if they’re going to ask it of me.”
“You really aren’t upset. You know, this whole time, I kept telling myself that you’re putting on a brave front so that the rest of us didn’t worry. I was so scared.”
“Scared about what?”
“I don’t know; that you were bottling it all up and that someday it was going to hit you hard, and you were going to do something stupid.”
I pulled into the already-filling parking lot of the best breakfast place in the county and looked around for a spot. “Well, rest assured, as soon as that idiot judge comes to his senses and frees me from the albatross in my house, I’ll show you just how unbothered I am. If that makes me seem callous, I don’t give a good damn.”
“I did my part; I held up my end of the bargain, but that part of my life is over and done; time for a new chapter.”
“And you’re not going to miss him?”
“Miss what? It’s like this. When I went to get my driver’s license the first time, I failed. I didn’t sit around on my ass whining about it; I practiced harder and tried again. That time, I passed. I fell in love, got married, had children, but it didn’t work out. It took twenty-five years of whatever time I have here, but in the end, it failed. And just like I did when I didn’t pass my driver’s test, I’m going to try again until I get it right. I didn’t have the same driving instructor the second time around because I knew I was doing the best I could, so the problem had to be coming from elsewhere. If I’d been slacking off and the issue was with me, I wouldn’t have changed instructors.”
“I still don’t trust it. There’s no way your heart’s not broken.”
“The heart is a deceitful bitch. It’s also a piece of flesh. Letting it dictate my life is no different from the men and women who let their sexual organs control their decisions. I'd rather rely on this.” I pointed to my head.
“If my heart messes with me on this, I’d drag it out of my chest before I let it talk me into losing my happiness over someone who didn’t care enough not to hurt it.”
“Okay, okay, I had to. Jonathan made me promise to keep a close eye on you.”
“He worries too much.” When I have friends like this, people who validate that I’m not a complete monster as a human being, why would I let one shit stain take my peace away from me?
The others pulled in and found parking before we all met up at the entrance of the quaint little mom-and-pop diner that hadn’t changed a lick since I was a little girl. The smells of bacon and eggs and country-fried potatoes hit me in the face as soon as the door opened, and the sound of the voices of the families already seated inside reminded me of better times.
People called out to us as the hostess led us to our table, which they had hurriedly pushed together to seat all of us. My father-in-law made a big deal about sitting next to me, and Sheila sat on my other side with Savana next to her. I think the lot of them were making sure Kevin didn’t find a place too close.