Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 63565 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 318(@200wpm)___ 254(@250wpm)___ 212(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 63565 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 318(@200wpm)___ 254(@250wpm)___ 212(@300wpm)
“Was he important to you?”
Her eyes are on Death.
I don’t answer her.
I turn my face away, my fingers trembling.
Maybe I should shoot myself and be done with it?
What is there left, after all? I’ve killed my mother; Death is gone, and the club hates me. I don’t have family, I don’t have anyone willing to fight for me. The harsh reality is, I never have. Nobody has ever loved me enough to fight. What’s my freedom truly worth? I’m forever marked with guilt, and I have nobody to share my life with.
Staring at the gun in my hands, I wonder if I have it in me?
“Whatever you’re thinkin’,” Mex’s voice fills the room. “Don’t.”
My hands are shaking now. Why is he here? He hates me so why the hell is he here? Did Marek call them? Did he organize this? How the hell did they know where to find me and why would he come?
Swallowing the thick lump in my throat, my hands begin to tremble at a more rapid rate as my heart slams against my chest. My lower lip quivers and my entire body is on high alert. Desperate to make this feeling go away, I contemplate ending it once more. It wouldn’t be hard, just a second. I wouldn’t feel it, right? The very thought has a loud sob ripping from my throat.
“Bonnie, go.”
Mex’s voice is firm, and Bonnie carefully gets off the floor and leaves the room. I don’t look over at him, I don’t move a muscle, I just hold the gun closer. I don’t want him to take it from me, his words will never change my mind. I don’t deserve to be here. My mother’s death, I can live with, but this...this is never going to leave. It’s going to torment me for the rest of my life. Marek always knew he was going to tarnish my freedom; I knew better than to trust him.
“It’s not worth it,” Mex tells me, his voice low and gravelly as he takes a step closer to me. “You’re stronger than this.”
“Am I?” I croak between sobs. “Because right now, I don’t believe that.”
“Strongest person I know.”
“Don’t do that,” I say, whipping my head around to finally look at him, “don’t tell me things that aren’t true simply because you don’t want me to do this. You don’t get to lie in order to save a life.”
For the first time since I’ve known him, he looks hurt, scared even.
“I’m not lyin’,” he murmurs, taking a step closer, “I’m sure you know well enough by now that I’m no liar.”
I laugh bitterly, shaking my head. “You’re right about that, but you also made it very clear just how much you hated me so don’t stand there and act like you care about what happens to me.”
“You hurt me.”
His words are shocking enough to make my eyes widen just a touch. I hurt him. There is just no way he cared enough for me to hurt him. No way in the world. It’s not possible for me to hurt someone who never liked me to begin with. Right?
“Stop lying,” I choke out.
He takes another step.
“I’m not lyin’. I mean it. You fuckin’ hurt me because...”
He trails off and takes in a deep breath.
“Because for some fuckin’ crazy reason, I care about you.”
My lip trembles.
“Please don’t say things you don’t mean just because I’m here, with a gun in my hand, threatening to end it all. That isn’t fair and I can’t deal with it. You don’t understand what it’s like for me, he was probably the closest thing to a father I ever had. I don’t even know who my real father is. I just killed him. I took his life. Like he never mattered, but the truth is, he did. Now,” I choke on a sob once more, “he’s gone. I don’t have anyone, Mex. Nobody in this world cares about me. So don’t you dare come in here and tell me something that isn’t real.”
Another step closer. “I care about you.”
“Why?” I cry out, looking up at him with tears streaking down my face.
“Because you’re a fuckin’ warrior. I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re not afraid of fuckin’ anything and you don’t let the world beat you. You’re beautiful and passionate and so damned feisty that I can’t get you out of my head.”
I cry out, the sobs causing my body to heave.
I’ve never cried like this in my life.
Not once.
Before I know it, Mex is kneeling down beside me, his fingers curling around the gun. He takes it from my hand, and I let him. He didn’t mean those words, I know he didn’t, but he is right about one thing, I am strong, and I can’t let this be the end of me, even if right now it’s all I want. I have to get through it, because Death gave up his life so I could live mine. The ultimate sacrifice.