Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 86857 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 290(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86857 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 290(@300wpm)
“Well, yeah … friends. So what?”
Glancing over at her, I offer a smile that doesn’t feel right on my face. “They were dressed up for the ballet. Just the two of them. I’m not stupid. I know where things were headed whether Colten would ever admit it or not. And I’m not mad. I died. He deserved to move on. And if it’s her or someone else, my point is … Colten did move on. He took those first steps which means he can live without me. And I think he should live without me. I want this for him. Eighteen years ago, he thought he knew what was best for us, for me. And maybe it was or maybe it wasn’t, but we survived. I went to school and landed my dream job. He served his country and fathered a beautiful little girl. We can have a future without it being ours.” Those words hurt. They hurt so much my heart feels like a ball of sandpaper working its way up my throat.
“Were they …” Mom clears her throat.
“He said nothing had happened between them.”
“Do you believe him?”
I nod. “But I don’t believe nothing would have happened had we not run into each other at the CVS.”
“Did you ask Becca when she called?”
“Mom …” I shake my head. “She was too busy crying. I didn’t think it was a good time to ask her about Colten’s dating life. And I saw what I saw. Maybe he never told her about Layla.”
“Who’s Layla?”
“The other woman.”
“Josie, don’t say it like that. That makes it sound scandalous.”
I open my door, sliding out my new cane to stand. “It’s not scandalous. It’s life. His life. I just want him to have everything.” It takes me a second to shift my balance to using the cane instead of the walker. “I am his past. The past is something, but the future is everything.”
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
“Earth to Detective Mosley,” Rains says.
I jerk my head in his direction.
“They found a gun in the dumpster.” He nods behind him as we canvass the entire block after the three bodies have been removed from the alley.
“Okay.”
“Gang related?”
“What?”
He chuckles. “Sorry, am I disturbing you with work. Where are you?”
I shake my head. “Nowhere. Here. I’m … I’m fine. Sorry. Let’s check the cameras at the convenience store.”
Rains follows my lead. “She’ll come around, man. You just have to give her some time.”
“She wants me to move on. That’s not coming around. That’s the kiss of death.”
“Give her time.”
“Time?” I shoot him a look, squinting one eye. “It’s been over six months. That’s half a year she’s been alive when I thought she was dead. She didn’t come knock on my front door. I saw her at a CVS. And the look on her face…” I shake my head “…it was guilt. Not surprise. Not excitement. It was guilt. An ‘oops, didn’t think I’d run into you’ look. She said she was trying to get better before coming to see me or her family, but that’s bullshit. If you love someone, you don’t let them exist, thinking you’re dead, for even a second if you have a choice. And she had a choice.”
“Okay, you’re mad. That’s probably a good thing. Josie, in her physically impaired state, will naturally get the most attention and sympathy, but you’ve been through hell too, and repressing those feelings is not good.”
“Are you giving me therapy?” I open the door to the convenience store.
Rains offers me a wink. “I’m a man of many talents. That’ll be a hundred and twenty dollars.”
Over the next two weeks, I start to spiral out of control. When I’m not working, I’m drinking. Katy and Sean took Reagan on vacation, so I don’t have her to distract me from thoughts of Josie. I need a distraction that doesn’t involve beer.
No such luck.
It’s just me and my thoughts of Josie.
Me and my anger.
Me and my resentment.
It’s her refusing to reply to my texts, refusing to answer my calls. It’s me and my irrational behavior like now as I call Savannah at 10:00 p.m.
“Colten?”
I take another swig of beer from my sofa with the TV on mute: Cubs vs Dodgers. “Is Josie there?”
“She’s in bed. I know she’s not taking your calls or responding to your messages. We’re trying to convince her that she needs to just talk to you. But … she’s struggling.”
She’s struggling?
“How are you, honey?”
“Me?” I chuckle. “I’m uh … great. Yeah. Never been better. How are you and Isaac? I bet it’s nice having Josie back. It was nice when I had her back, but now I don’t. I don’t have her anymore.”
“Colten …”
“But it’s good. I’ve been hanging out with my friends.” I glance at the bottle in my hand. “My buds. Budweiser. Bud Light. His cousin Michelob.”
“You sound a little … over-served.”