Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 77018 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 385(@200wpm)___ 308(@250wpm)___ 257(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77018 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 385(@200wpm)___ 308(@250wpm)___ 257(@300wpm)
So, there we were, in our forever home with a magnet board we solely used to mess with my mother.
Shaking my head, I opened the refrigerator and grabbed the tub of creamed spinach he’d picked up from my favorite BBQ restaurant, along with a jar of his grandma’s homemade dill pickles.
Vance lifted a brow as I waddled around him to grab a napkin from the marble countertop. “You’re about to dip pickles in that creamed spinach, aren’t you?”
“Yep.” I set my phone on the counter and popped the lid. When the acidic smell of dill-laced vinegar filled the air, the baby gave my ribs an excited kick. “She loves your grandma’s pickles already.”
Vance stepped up behind me and slipped an arm around my ever-expanding middle. “They are some damn good pickles.” He pressed a kiss to my neck just as a message pinged the group chat.
Grace: I still vote for the name Thelma.
Erin: Do not name that baby Thelma, Blake.
The only reason Grace kept harping on us naming our baby Thelma was that she and Theo had named their little girl Louise.
Vance: Grace, you realize the movie Thelma and Louise was based on a true story about women who were criminals?
Grace: I do.
Nana: Don’t name that child after a criminal. Give her a Biblical name. Like Ruth or Esther.
Mom: If not Maureen, what about Marleene? Marienne?
Erin: I think Poppy is cute.
I glanced back at Vance. “When are we going to tell them that we’re naming her June after your grandma?”
“Maybe next Sunday at dinner?”
I had a feeling that would absolutely start a fight.
Kate: You guys need to decide on a name soon so I know what to put on the baby shower cake.
As for Kate? She was single. The engagement party at Bon Apple Tea never happened. Two days before the party, she’d walked in, unannounced, to Jimbo’s work and found him screwing an intern on his desk. Last year, she’d admitted to me it was karma. And while she and I would probably never be close, I’d at the very least forgiven her.
Grandma June: You ain’t ordering no doggone cake for that baby shower. I’m making it. From scratch! Just like I made their wedding cake from scratch.
Nana: You can’t have a cake without a name!
Grandma June: Most certainly can. Back in my day, we didn’t even know the sex of the baby until it popped out. We just put “Welcome Baby” on the cake and were done with it.
Nana: Did they have baby showers back in your day, June?
Grandma June: I’m gonna say a prayer for you tonight. ‘Cause your rude backside certainly needs it.
Nana: I don’t need your prayers!
Grandma and Nana did not get along. “That’s an argument that’s going to go back and forth for at least an hour.”
Vance swept the hair from the side of my neck, placing his lips by my ear. “I know something else that could go on for at least an hour.”
Thirty minutes later, after giving me two orgasms, Vance tucked himself back into his sweatpants, then helped me off the counter so I could shimmy my underwear back up.
I’d just smooth the wrinkles from my dress when the back door banged against the wall. Vance spun around, his cheeks going candy red. “Grandma, you’ve got to knock.”
“Why?” She stopped halfway into the kitchen, her hooded eyes pinging between us. “You two was doin’ it in the kitchen? Lord, have mercy, of all the places. Unhygienic as all get out,” she mumbled, shuffling toward the pantry. “You young kids will do the horizontal polka anywhere.” She took a pack of coffee and held it up. “I’m borrowing this.” Then she headed toward the still-open back door.
Vance gave her a suspicious look. “I better not catch you out in the backyard smoking.”
“Once I cross our property lines, you don’t get to tell me what to do. I moved up here for the baby, not to listen to you lecture me like some dad-blast-it televangelist.”
I stifled a laugh when she shut the door.
“I know she’s going to go over there and smoke.” He opened the back door.
I followed him into the yard. Sure enough, as soon as Grandma got to her back deck, she pulled a pack of cigarettes from a planter and lit one. I was pretty sure she’d stolen those from Margot’s boyfriend when they’d come over last weekend to play board games.
“I’m going to tell Dr. Lutz what you’re doing!” Vance shouted.
“Mind your own, boy.”
I took a seat on the glider, tilting back my head to soak in the warm sun filtering through the trees. “That’s exactly where you get your obdurate personality from.”
“Never tell her she’s obdurate. She’ll think you’re swearing at her. Just say stubborn.” He smiled before kissing my forehead. “I really love our life.”
“And to think it all started with an act of blackmail spurned from a bottle of red wine, a glue stick, and a copy of Women’s Health Magazine.”