Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 86367 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 432(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86367 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 432(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
“I don’t know if I can,” she finally says, looking up at me, and I can tell in her eyes, she’s about to break my heart.
CHAPTER TWENTY
ryleigh
My heart feels like it’s beating out of my chest. My stomach feels like it’s in my throat. My hands are shaking so much I have to hold them together. “I don’t know if I can,” I answer him honestly. “Stone,” I say his name because I want to make sure he’s really here, and it’s not just my imagination dreaming that he’s here.
“What don’t you think you can do?” he bites out. “You don’t think you can call me once or twice a day? You don’t think you can text me a good morning?”
“It’s not just that, Stone, and you know it.” I start to talk, and the sting in my nose starts. “Do you know what I did today?”
“How would I know what you did for the last three days?” He flaps his hands to the sides. “You wouldn’t talk to me.”
“Oh my God.” I put my hands on my head.
“Don’t you oh my God me, Ryleigh,” he snaps, and even I have to admit if the roles were reversed and he ignored me the way I did him, I would probably set a couple of his things on fire. Starting with his house and moving down to his hockey equipment.
“It’s not as easy as you think it is,” I say softly.
“Because you won’t let it be.” I listen to his words, taking them all in, waiting before I finally speak.
“It’s not that simple.” That’s the bottom line to all this. It’s harder than we both want to admit it is going to be.
“Why not?”
I finally say and the tears that I’ve pushed away the whole day come on full force. “Do you know what I did today? I’ll tell you what I did. I stayed fucking home from work because I was afraid you would send me something that would make me miss you. That you would do something thoughtful for me, and I would break down at work.” My voice goes loud. “Do you know how hard it is to be a woman in my position?” I throw my hands up. “The obstacles I’ve had to face because I’m a woman? Now I was behaving like some fucking lovesick fool at work.” The annoyance is clear in my voice. “In college, one of my best friends was like me. We were both driven, both on the same path. We had the same goal, same plan, same everything. Then you know what she did? She fell in love.” My eyes open wider, hoping he gets it. “Then slowly she started letting balls drop to the floor. Started hanging out with him more than she should. I saw with my own eyes how much having to worry about an extra person can be.” I huff. “It’s just all too much.”
“God forbid you show feelings, Ryleigh.” His own annoyance reflects in his voice. “I’m not asking you to sit at your desk and doodle my name.”
He shouts at me, and it makes me snap, “I’m scared, goddammit.” The tears seep out of me. “I’m scared that I don’t know how to do this. The first boyfriend I ever had was more interested in going to the Oscar party than the fact he was actually with me. So after that, I said fuck that. I’ve had hookups and bad one-night stands, but I’ve never ever had a boyfriend after that.” He’s about to say something, so I hold up my hand. “And it’s not because I didn’t have options. It was because I had one goal in life, and I couldn’t be sidetracked by some boy.” I wipe the tears away angrily. “I’m an independent woman who will not have to depend on any man. I don’t have time for the games. I don’t have time to think about you all day and not focus on work. I don’t have time for the hurt feelings when I forget certain things. I am selfish!” I shout. “There, are you happy? In the courtroom, I’m a shark. I know what needs to be done, but this is so out of my comfort zone.”
“Why can’t you do both?” he asks me the question I’ve been asking myself all day long.
“Because I can’t,” I tell him. “I just can’t.”
“Your mother is a successful journalist with a husband and two kids.” His voice is soft. “My mother has an entire business and still has my father, plus me and my sister. Are you saying they aren’t independent women? Heck, all my aunts have something going on.”
I cut him off. “What if I forget to call you, and you wait for my call all night?”
“Well, for one, I would be worried that something happened to you,” he answers softly, and it’s like he just kicked me in the stomach.