Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 95393 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95393 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
Stone: But seriously, what is wrong with you?
Michael: He threw down his gloves. The fuck was that all about? Who does that?
Dylan: He was protecting his player.
Michael: Can someone please kick him out of this group chat?
I laugh at the end of that but don’t reply to any of it. I get up, going to the bathroom, washing my face, and brushing my teeth before heading downstairs to make myself a coffee. I’m taking my first sip of coffee when my phone rings. Looking down, I see it’s my dad.
“Hello,” I answer, putting it on speakerphone as I walk toward the couch.
“Hello, my ass,” he snaps. “I told you to call me when you got up.”
“You didn’t even give me a chance.” I lean back on the couch. “I just woke up.”
“It’s the afternoon.”
“Yeah, I had trouble falling asleep,” I admit.
“I bet you did after those last two games.” He stops talking, and I don’t have anything to add, so he continues. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Dropping your gloves, what are you… five?”
“Wilson drops his gloves every fifth game,” I point out about my cousin Franny’s husband, Wilson.
“He’s not my kid,” he hisses. “What the hell is going on with you? You have never been that type of player.”
A heavy sigh comes out of my mouth. “I don’t know, Dad,” I say softly. “I mean, I know, but I—”
“What is going on?” His tone changes. “Do you need me to come out there?”
“Yes,” I reply but then quickly change my mind. “No. Fuck, I don’t know, Dad.” My throat feels like it’s closing in on me, and I can’t breathe. I sit back up, putting my coffee down on the table in front of me. “Dad, I don’t know what to do.”
“Whatever it is, we can get through it.” The worry in his voice makes me feel even worse. “Just talk to me.”
I put my phone down on the table so I can rub my face with both my hands. “I don’t know how to say this.”
“Christopher.” His tone is tight. “Whatever the fuck it is, we are here for you.”
“I don’t know about that.” The thought that he is going to be disgusted with me is almost too much to bear, but I also know if I don’t tell him something, his ass will be on a plane within the hour, and then he’ll be in my face, making me tell him.
“Wow,” he says. “After all this, you think I don’t have your back?” His voice is almost broken. “You don’t think we have your back?”
“It’s not about having my back, Dad. It’s about the fact you might be disappointed in me.”
“Never,” he quickly adds, “I could never.”
“Never say never.” I try to laugh, but it comes out pitiful.
“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?”
“Okay.” I take a deep breath in and then slowly let it out when I say the words, “I think I’m falling for Koda.” My eyes close when I say those words, waiting for his reaction.
“You think you are falling for her, or you already fell for her?” Fuck, I should have known he would see right through that.
“I’m pretty sure I’ve one thousand percent fallen for her,” I confess to him. “It’s so fucked up, I know. She’s Benji’s wife.”
“She’s not anyone’s wife,” he points out. “He’s not here.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I know what you mean, but I also need you to see what I mean.” He doesn’t give me a chance. “If Benji was still here and he was married to her, would you be falling for her?”
“Probably not,” I say, shaking my head. “I would never cross that line. She’s a beautiful woman with a heart of gold, and I’ve always thought that, but I also knew she was off-limits.”
“Exactly.”
“But…” I sigh.
“But nothing.” His voice is soft again. “You don’t get to choose who you love”—I close my eyes—“or who you fall for. Look at your mom. I knew without a doubt I should have stayed away from her, but I also knew that it would have killed me to do that. I also knew without a shadow of a doubt that there was no way I would ever love someone the way I love her.” He trails off. “But, son, it’s not just her you have to think about.”
“I love those girls like they were my own. That is for damn sure.”
“Okay, so I don’t know what the hang-up is.”
“Dad, he died seven months ago.”
“Is there a rule book that says when it’s a right time to fall for someone?” He laughs at his own joke while I roll my eyes. “If this happened two years from now, would that be better?”
“Yes,” I reply, but then I think about her maybe falling for someone else in those two years, and I feel like I’m going to be physically sick. “No. I don’t know.”