Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 95393 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95393 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
“I want to tuck them in. I want to wake them up. I want to prepare lunches even though by now I’m pulling out my hair because Rain’s not eating any of it because she’s already fed up with it.” The tear rolls down my face. “But I am going to be there for each moment of their lives because when they look back on it, that is the only thing I want them to remember.” I sniff.
“What I don’t want them to remember is their father choosing not to be there. I don’t want them to remember that their mother fell apart when it happened. I don’t want them to remember I spent time before he died trying to find proof he was an addict, but each time telling myself that maybe it was in my head. I don’t want them to remember I was so tired of being so happy all the time that it hurt to smile. I want them to know that every single time I smiled, it was because I was happy. So if she can be okay with all of this, then I will take her job.” Fuck, after saying all that, my chest gets tight, and I have to cough because of the pressure. All of that came out and I didn’t do it as a sobbing fucking mess, so to me, that’s progress. I did it with a smile on my face, even if tears were rolling down my face. I also did it with a little less hatred than I thought I would be doing it with. I’ve noticed the hatred has started to fade away a little each day. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I hated Benji with every single cell in my body, but I was able to compartmentalize it so my girls never felt my hatred toward him.
“I think anyone who gets to hire you would be really lucky to have you.” I inhale deeply at her words.
“I think so also,” I agree with her. “I think so also,” I repeat. The smile on my face is huge as I take another sip of coffee.
I leave with a clearer mind and almost skip toward my SUV, and when I get off the phone with Zara six hours later, I now have a job.
It is strange, but when I sit down that night after the girls are tucked in, the only person I really want to talk to is the only person I was not talking to since Saturday. Before I can talk myself out of it, I send him a text. I don’t know if I should or not, but I also know I’ll be seeing him on Saturday with the girls, so this will be less awkward.
Me: Sandra Bullock was also great in Miss Congeniality.
I hit send before I can erase it, and at that text, I hang my head. “Smooth,” I scold to myself, “very smooth.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
christopher
My phone vibrated from beside my plate, and I turn it over to see that it’s Koda. I look around the table at the guys since we are having a team dinner before our game tomorrow in Detroit. I look over to my right at Cole to see if he’s paying attention to me, but he’s locked into a conversation with Nick. My eyes go back down to read the text, and I shake my head, trying not to laugh too loud and get eyes looking at me.
Koda: Sandra Bullock was also great in Miss Congeniality.
I haven’t texted or called her since I saw her last Sunday. Every morning, I want to text her to see how the girls are doing, but I stop myself each time. If she needs you, she will text you, I repeat the same thing every morning. Then every night, when I want to call her after I know the kids have gone to bed. But now she’s texted me, so I have to answer her.
Me: You have no idea what you’re talking about.
I put the phone down and try to pay attention to the conversation going on beside me, but all I can think about is Koda. Seeing her on Sunday with my family and having the girls with me felt so natural. It also fucked with my head because I knew it shouldn’t feel natural. Nothing about this situation is natural. The phone buzzes next to me, and I pick it up again. This time, my heart picks up speed.
Koda: She went undercover to save the Miss America pageant.
Me: She drove a bus, a big-ass city bus to save people.
I’m about to put the phone down, but I see the bubbles with the three dots come up, and I know she’s texting me back. I stare at the screen for a couple of seconds before her reply comes through.