Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 95393 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95393 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
“That’s my girl,” Christopher praises, holding up his fist for her to fist bump him. “Now, how about we go and eat some breakfast?”
“I’m hungry.” Luna squirms in my arms to get down. “I want breakfast tacos.”
“Yes,” Christopher says, walking toward the door with the girls, holding it open for them. “I want extra hash browns.”
“Me too,” Luna agrees, walking out with Rain.
Christopher looks over his shoulder at me, holding the door open. “You okay?” he asks, and I want to tell him I’m not okay. Nothing about this is okay. Nothing about this morning should be okay. Nothing about him taking my girls to hockey should be okay. Nothing about this is okay, yet everything about this feels okay.
I look at my phone and make a note of the date and realize that for the first time in over a year, I don’t hate Benji. “I’m coming.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
dakota
“Have you decided what you’re going to do?” Dr. Mendes asks.
“That’s a loaded question.” I look over at her. “Have I decided what I’m going to do for dinner? Have I decided what I’m going to do when my girls go to sleep tonight?”
She laughs with me. “I meant, have you decided what you’re going to do about the first game of the season?” I nod at her.
“Aha,” I say, “I’m not sure. I know I should go. I know the girls are going to want to go. I know if I go, in the end, I’ll have a nice evening out.”
“But?” She always goes to but, and it sometimes feels like I’m having a conversation with the girls. We can have this, but would you rather this?
“But should I even be there?” I shrug. Last week, the team's general manager made it a point to call me and tell me that even though Benji isn’t with us anymore, my place will always be with the association.
“It’s not like you’ve never been to a game before.” The minute she says the words, I point at her.
“That’s true.” I take a sip of my coffee. “But I don’t know.”
“So maybe do it for the girls.” She smirks. “And a little for you.”
“I have to be at a hockey arena tomorrow morning at seven o’clock,” I snap, “on a Saturday.” She throws her head back and laughs. It’s been over two weeks since the girls started hockey whatever it’s called. Two weeks and they thrive at it. Even Luna is getting better and better.
“I don’t know, but something tells me you’ll survive.” I bring the cup of coffee to my lips and snort before I take another sip. I will survive.
The session ends with me deciding I should go, if just for the kids. I put “drink wine in a bubble bath” as something to do for myself after tomorrow.
The kids don’t even complain when I wake them both up at six, which bothers me to no end. The soft knock on the door still surprises me, but then again, it doesn’t. Christopher has been to every single practice in the past two weeks. I know with the season starting this weekend, he won’t be able to make some of them.
“I made you coffee.” I hand him the black thermos I prepared for him, just in case he came.
“Thank God.” He holds out his hand to grab the thermos. His hand is colder than mine, and I can feel a shiver crawl up my spine. “I literally rolled out of bed five minutes ago.”
“Well, it looks like it.” I chuckle while he glares at me. Practice is pretty much the same as it’s been the last two weeks. The two of us sit side by side while Christopher leans over occasionally and points out kids he’ll have problems with if they do one more thing to the girls. In the past two weeks, we’ve talked on the phone every single day when he calls to check on the girls, and sometimes, he will text me random things during the day, which I usually answer with a thumbs-up or down.
“See you tonight,” he says before getting back in his truck after breakfast is consumed and the kids are watching television.
As the day gets later and later, I feel the nerves rolling in with a punch. I feel like I’m going to throw up every five seconds. The girls wear jeans and the team jerseys with Benji’s number on the back that say Daddy on them. I swallow down the lump in my throat before going into my closet to get dressed. I slip on a pair of tight black jeans. They used to be tighter on me, but they’re not horrible. I decide to also grab a black bodysuit that fits perfectly. Buttoning up the jeans, I slide into a pair of white Gucci sneakers.
I move to the bathroom to touch up my hair, which I spent way too much time on. I tried to convince myself I was doing it for me, but in reality, I was doing it for everyone else. To make them see I’m okay, or at least trying to be. My hands shake as I walk down the steps and yell for the girls that it’s time to go.